Kate, Princess of Wales, recently revealed a cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy treatment. In a recent video, Kate said that it has taken her time to “explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis”, her children with her husband William, Prince of Wales and heir to the British throne, “in a way that is appropriate for them.” . .”

Learn the best approach to this difficult conversation in this interview with Wendy Baer, ​​MD, director of psychiatric oncology at Emory University’s Winship Cancer Institute.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

It is very important to pause and understand where you are medically and what support you have before you decide to talk to your children. It is really helpful to know and understand her diagnosis and treatment plan before sharing it with others. Hopefully, having an idea of ​​what your diagnosis is and what your treatment plan will be will help you stay calm.

Then, when you talk to your children, you will give them a sense of calm and you will give them the feeling that everything is going to be okay because you are going to do everything you can to take care of yourself and your health.

Select a time and place that is comfortable for your child—not when you are washing dishes, running errands, or trying to schedule appointments, but a time when you can sit down and be face-to-face with your child. .

Start your conversation with the child by asking him what They have heard. Ask them if they have noticed anything different or heard a call from a doctor’s office or heard you and your adult partner or other adult loved ones talk about cancer.

Once you have an idea of ​​what they’ve heard, you can ask them what they think and what questions they have. Try to answer their questions in age-appropriate language, depending on whether you are a school-age child, a teenager, or a slightly older young adult. Use language that you would use every day with your child so they understand it. It’s okay to use the word “cancer.”

Be honest with them, but don’t feel the need to share everything. Share enough information to answer their questions. And they may not be the questions you think they have. Sometimes it’s really surprising when kids ask something you didn’t imagine they would ask.

When the child changes the subject, stick with it. The conversation does not need to be the entire story of everything she has read about her diagnosis and possible treatment plan or complications. It really has to be what the child is wondering: answering that question.

And then let them change the subject if they want to move on to what they’re having for dinner or what they’re watching on TV later that night. Alright.

Read about how to tell your family and friends about your cancer.

It’s okay to say you’re going to the doctor, but try to reassure them that you’re doing everything you can to stay as safe and healthy as possible. Children also need to be reassured that they will be safe and that there will be adults to take care of them. There will be family and friends who will be there for them.

Children often wonder about their own routine and how their own days may change if a parent is in treatment. Therefore, children will want to know that their routines will continue, which is best for the child’s development. So they will still go to school, they will still go to their activities, they will still be able to go see their friends and that will provide a sense of normalcy for the child while their parents are in treatment.

You can tell them that cancer is a process in which the cells in our body divide too quickly and that we should stop those cells as much as possible. Explain that adjuvant chemotherapy, like any chemotherapy, is a medicine to stop cells from dividing as quickly.

One change in the body due to some chemotherapies that can be noticeable in children is hair loss. You can assure your children that it is a change in your hair, but your hair will grow back, just like it does after a haircut.

No. There is a difference between the ability of adults and children to tolerate information and transmit emotions and experiences lived by people. We have partners, spouses, best friends, girlfriends, or friends we can trust and talk to. Children and adolescents face different types of emotional processes and different abilities to handle adult topics and topics.

Think about your child: What are the things he or she usually wants to talk about? What do they normally want to hear about? What do you typically find comforting or stressful? And then tailor how much you share with them, based on that child’s ability and that child’s stage of development.

If you need to let your child know that his treatment has made him tired during the day and that he will not be attending the basketball game, that is very reasonable. Just let them know, but it doesn’t have to be an explanation of how many percent of people on that chemo regimen feel tired and therefore can’t go. It’s just a simple, “I’m going to rest right now, but I hope you enjoy your game.”

I think one of the important things for all caregivers, especially parents who are going through treatment, is to remember that when you take care of yourself as a parent, your child tends to get better no matter what the parent is going through. So the more parents pay attention to their own well-being during their cancer journey, that time and energy will really serve them well as parents because they will have enough mental space or enough emotional reserve to be able to be present for their child. in the moments they are together.