Nicole LePera—a renowned couples therapist with over 10 million followers in InstagramTikTok and X – identified seven behavioral patterns of long-term couples. Here’s how they do it – and you can, too.
1. Be friends with each other
People in committed relationships really valued spending time together, LePera says on X. “They enjoyed coming home after a long day and catching up,” she tweeted. “They enjoyed doing little things together. Friendship was the foundation of their relationship.”
2. Together through dark times
Just because couples stayed together for a long time doesn’t mean they didn’t have difficult periods that made them question the relationship. But the adversities didn’t derail them. In fact, they helped them build resilience, LePera says.
Couples who have stayed together for a long time have endured difficult times that have brought them to a crossroads – and even caused them to question the relationship. What matters in these situations is that they decided to stay together and work through the situation and come out stronger.
“This has created trust,” LePera wrote in a tweet.
3. Make fun of each other’s quirks
Sometimes our quirks can become our biggest insecurities. Whether it’s an obsession with a particular book series or a strict 10-step skincare routine, these little things we do make us unique – and the best partners will appreciate these traits as part of who we are.
LePera says that while the partners recognized these idiosyncrasies, they were never overly critical of them, even if they didn’t put too much effort into it.
“Even though they were annoying sometimes,” she says.
4. Don’t try to change your partner
LePera has this advice for anyone who says, “But I can change her”: Don’t. It’s not enough to simply accept her idiosyncrasies: If you want a lasting relationship with someone, you have to accept and love them for who they are.
“There was a certain level of respect and admiration,” says LePera. “That freedom brought out the best in each of them.”
5. Fight properly
It’s okay to get on each other’s nerves from time to time – but make sure you know how to fight in a healthy way.
“They knew how to navigate conflict, recover and move on,” LePera tweeted.
6. Have difficult conversations
LePera found that couples in strong long-term relationships did not avoid difficult conversations, even when their perspectives were challenged. In fact, being open to each other’s perspectives was key to learning from these difficult conversations.
The key was regular communication – without evading or denying difficult topics.
But what made these interactions even better, LePera notes, was the emotional regulation that ensures that “conversations rarely [become] Explosions.”
7.CSetting boundaries with the family
Family dynamics are often difficult to manage as you and your partner become more and more involved in each other’s lives. But according to LePera, family boundaries are important to the health of your relationship.
She notes that strong couples “put the relationship first and have clear boundaries with family.”
For example, this could mean choosing not to vent to your family about your relationship problems or not making decisions based on your family’s wishes, LePera wrote in her tweet.
“They did together what was best for their partnership,” she says.
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