7 Examples Of Toxic Parenting

A lot of these resonated with me, but I'm very grateful you acknowledged how detrimental it is for parents to police their child's emotions or feel threatened by them, and I think in some situations it could be closely intertwined with a parent feeling like they have to maintain control or like there's a power struggle. For me personally, when I'd express either positive or negative emotions in my childhood I was always seen as over dramatic and I'd be ridiculed or mocked. As an adult it's made me so ashamed of my emotions, and made me emotionally inhibited and dissociative. I assert my boundaries and avoid my parent now, but I'm still not taken seriously and still seen as over dramatic. Like I feel as if expressing yourself around this type of parent in any way other than being neutral or compliant will anger them because emotions threaten their sense of control or something.

I have not heard anyone speak of this before, but among the first things that you mentioned was parents taking a child along while they visit an affair. My parents divorced when I was seven and one of my early memories of my father was accompanying him to a very strange situation with a woman that seemed very out of place in our life in a living situation completely different from ours… it didn't take me too many years to figure out later what that was. Then when he was married to my first stepmother, who incidentally was a result of one of many affairs he committed against my mother, he would take my brother to play with children of lovers while we were visiting him on his visitation weekends. This is just one tiny little pin hole into the life of bizarre, sick behavior that my father inflicted upon everyone in his life. Your channel is so very helpful, thank you for all that you share.

Infantilization. Please do a video on this insidious narcissistic parenting tactic.
Infantilization, deliberately invalidating you and treating you like a child regardless of your age and life development, to keep you dependent, feeling small and incapable, and also to set you up for abuse for struggling, so they can feel smug, superior and more capable than you, they are childish and competitive.

They give you condescending and unwarranted advice, to imply you cant think for yourself, they scoff at your ideas, the family scapegoat is supposed to be a f*ck-up by design, a loser, a struggler, so none of their achievements or developments can or will be acknowledged, because it will go against the covert narcissists narrative that the scapegoated person is inherently bad / flawed / unworthy / lacking intelligence / useless.

They also dont warn you or teach you how to protect yourself from bad people in the world, because, they ARE those bad people, and if they taught you ways to deal with it, it would thwart their game.

My whole life my mother rolls her eyes unintentionally whenever she notices me existing. But worse than the awareness my mother being annoyed by me breathing was the gaslighting of other adults. They would say thing like "of course does she love you-she is your mother" or "if she doesnt hit you then there is nothing to complain about". Sometimes mothers dont like their kids, sometimes they cant bond, sometimes theyre just selfish. It is possible. It happens. For both mothers and childrens sake we need to acknowledge that.

I do appreciate your videos but as a practicing catholic question I cant help but ask why there in this video seems to be an underlying tone of negativity towards religious people. I think negative influence can and definitly does come from atheist perents too, I would argue even more, since there often the children has to fit in there parents world view too

Some parents expect you to grow up by yourself and learn it all by yourself. I can't remember anything i learned from my father, i was just a problem in the way all the time. And if we had to do something together he would always yell at me. I also think my paernts blame me for not having an intreset in the same subjects as my father, and that's why we don't get a long to well.

I will also say that almost every one of the examples Patrick takes up, i got real example from. Anything form "don't cry" and "just be quiet" to "you are in the way" or "don't do that, forget it, i will do it myself" or "you to GOT to understand that". To more voilent threats like "i will beat you if you do that" comments while talking loudly over you so you have to shut up. I remember i used half a school year on a bench in woodclass and the first thing he said when he got it as a present for christmas was "oh, this looks like you made it, hahaha". I became a bit withdrawn after that, "what was that supposed to mean? was it that bad? i worked a lot on it an my teacher told me it was good? he was laughing at me so it had to be bad". On top of this, a traumatic event happen to me around this age, witch made me withdraw even more.

Talking loudly over me happens all the time, like every sentence and it continues to this day even after i have told him what he does several times. This is one of the things why we never used to go out and eat in public when i was growing up, he's rude and agressive to staff members. All that said, i still don't belive i was neglected or abused. He's still my father even if i disslike him and i don't have good memories of him. I had to get out early though, i left the house when i was 17.

I am also well known in my adult life for a risk taker and i played poker for a living for years, living on something nobody thought me, hypervigilance. Nowdays i just sit back and don't care about work at all, i feel like an animal at a farm in a work enviorment.

Man that's is all my mom growing up. She made it seem that it was okay to lie to people. And if I were to tell them the truth man that was my head on the block.

This video is great for parents. Do you have videos for parents of younger adult children?

Hi I'm curious, for threatened by Child's Emotions does it also count when they constantly look for any angry look on a child's face? as a child and even now I just look naturally angry even when I'm not but then they always ask if it's about them and then they get reactive and ask why I am mad even if it's for fair reason and then if they're not being angry they start saying stuff like "ohh it's my fault" thing and stuff and "oh I'm an awful parent" I wasn't even angry at them and they just constantly prod me asking if it's about them and such etc

Spot on. Thanks for sharing this!

So true

Sorry but I have to tell the “pile of dirt” story here.

I don’t even remember what my little sister and I did to upset my mom, probably bickering as she loved turning us against each other then getting mad at us for it. Anyway, we drove past this construction site that had a massive pile of dirt.

In the middle of her rage, my mom yelled, “I WOULD HAVE LET YOU TWO PLAY IN THAT PILE OF DIRT OVER THERE AND YOU COULD HAVE HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME BUT NOOOO YOU DECIDED TO MAKE TODAY A BAD DAY SO NOW YOU WON’T PLAY IN THAT DIRT!”

My sister and I were unable to ignore this like we did most of her ranting because what she said made no sense. We never expressed any desire to play in that pile of dirt. My sister and I in one of the few times we were able to be on the same side looked at each other in this shared “What is she even talking about right now?” stare.

I thought that was the funniest story as a kid, and my sister did too. My mom likes to pretend it didn’t happen or shame us for talking bad about her to other people, but we genuinely still think this story is hilarious.

I was told not too many years ago that I was just like my dad, I told the family member, "No, I'm not," they said yes your are."NOBODY liked my dad. He was mean and verbally and physically abusive! I was in tears, I'm nothing like him at all, another reason why I went no contact.

my parents and teachers made every decision for me growing up. i can't decide to do anything anymore, even if i know what i wanna do, even if i have a plan. because im scared, because something might go wrong, and because every time, i have to push back against my parents, which is hard to even will myself to TRY and do

I think I was parented non ideally. As a young child it didnt really seem to matter as I was in it. I feel that parenting /teaching is the most difficult tasks for a human and too bad any Tom dick harry who doesnt or can’t parent a child can still be a parent. I’m not a parent so I won’t comment further.

Watching the videos on this channel makes me wonder .. we have a test/exam for literally everything that puts you at risk of harming another life – driver's license test to drive, you've got to work so hard and pass so many exams to be a doctor, heck, you need to be licensed to do even someone's nails… Why is it that people can pop kids out without having the most basic skills to take care of the child?