The Art of Saying No and the Gender Division of Non-Promotable Tasks
Introduction: An Exploration of the Challenge
Saying “no” to people is one of the most important skills one can develop. It allows us to set boundaries, prioritize our time, and avoid burnout. However, saying “no” can be difficult, especially for individuals who are people-pleasers by nature.
This article dives deep into the art of saying “no” and examines the gender division of non-promotable tasks within organizations. It uncovers the underlying causes, explores the consequences of an inability to say “no,” and provides insights on how to overcome this challenge.
The Challenges of Saying “No”
1. The Fear of Disappointing Others
2. Resentment and Exhaustion
3. Burnout and Workaholism
These challenges often stem from societal expectations, organizational culture, and a lack of recognition for vital but unseen work.
The Rise of Books on Saying “No”
Over the years, numerous books have been published on the topic of saying “no.” These books offer guidance on assertiveness and smart decision-making, helping individuals overcome their urge to constantly say “yes.” Examples of such books include:
- No: Say Yes When You Want to Say No – A groundbreaking book that was published in 1975 and paved the way for others to address the importance of saying “no.”
- The Power of Saying No: The Science of How to Charge – A recent publication that delves into the psychological aspects of saying “no” and empowers individuals to prioritize their own well-being.
- 100 Ways to Say No: How to Stop Saying Yes When You Mean No – A practical guide that presents various strategies and techniques for confidently declining requests.
- Joy to Say No: From People-Pleasing to Setting Boundaries – An exploration of the joy and liberation that comes with saying “no” and establishing healthy boundaries.
- As Say No: Ancient Cynicism and the Art of Dissent – A historical perspective on saying “no” and how it has been embraced by ancient philosophical traditions.
- Without Will Set You Free: Boundaries and the Art of Saying No – A book that emphasizes the importance of boundaries and explores their role in enabling individuals to say “no.”
While these books offer valuable insights and strategies, they often fail to address the systemic issue of poorly run organizations that contribute to the difficulty of saying “no.”
The Organizational Factors behind the Inability to Say “No”
1. Lack of Clarity in Roles and Responsibilities
2. Underappreciation of Vital but Invisible Work
3. Poorly Managed Workload Distribution
4. Gender Division of Non-Promotable Tasks
Organizations often prioritize visible work and fail to recognize and distribute non-promotable tasks fairly. This leads to an unequal burden on certain individuals, particularly women.
The Gender Division of Non-Promotable Tasks
1. The No Club: Recognizing the Unrewarded Work Done by Women
Four female academics have shed light on the gender division of non-promotable tasks (NPT) in their book, The No Club. Their research reveals that women are often asked to take on more NPT, such as mentoring, training, and committee work, than their male counterparts.
Statistics indicate that:
- Women spend approximately 200 more hours per year on NPT compared to men.
- Women are more likely to agree to take on these tasks.
This unequal distribution of non-promotable tasks persists across various industries, including supermarkets, airport security, and law firms.
The Impact and Importance of Addressing the Gender Division of NPT
1. Fairness and Equality
2. Improved Work-Life Balance
3. Enhanced Organizational Effectiveness
4. Career Advancement for Women
Organizations need to actively address the gender division of non-promotable tasks and allocate these responsibilities fairly. By doing so, they can promote a more inclusive and equitable work environment where all employees are given equal opportunities to succeed.
Conclusion
The ability to say “no” is a crucial skill that empowers individuals to prioritize their well-being, set boundaries, and avoid burnout. However, the challenges of saying “no” often stem from systemic issues within organizations, including the gender division of non-promotable tasks.
By recognizing and addressing this imbalance, organizations can foster a more inclusive and supportive work culture. It is essential for both individuals and organizations to acknowledge the importance of saying “no” and work together to create an environment where all employees are valued and their workloads are distributed fairly.
In conclusion, the art of saying “no” extends beyond personal boundaries and encompasses systemic issues within organizations. By tackling the gender division of non-promotable tasks and promoting a culture of equal distribution, we can create work environments that prioritize fairness, well-being, and career advancement for all employees.
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Saying no to people is one of the most important skills you can develop.
You can only achieve great things if you know how to say no.
People-pleasing is driven by fear, not virtue.
All of this advice comes from three of the many books on how to say no that have sprouted from a publishing industry seemingly incapable of saying anything more than yes to this idea for decades.
No Say yes when you want to say no came out in 1975. Only in the last 15 months has it been joined by He The power of say no, 100 ways say no, Joy to say no, As say noand Without will Set you free.
You might think that we might have conquered the problem by now. The fact that it didn’t come to mind last week, as I watched the start of one of the most dire times for the people-pleaser: summer.
Working during July and August presents the constant risk of being asked fill for absent colleagues and do work that equally absent bosses don’t notice.
This year, while the monotonous trials of working life are compounded by cost-of-living miseries, it seems even more important to understand the persistent inability to say no.
The plethora of unapologetic books on the subject aren’t helping. Many make a reasonable effort to outline the consequences of being too willing to say yes: burnout, resentment, exhaustion, etc.
But they struggle to identify the cause of the dilemma: poorly run organizations that don’t know who is doing what and don’t formally recognize work that is vital but mostly invisible.
In other words, they blame people for a problem that is largely caused by organizational systems.
Some books offer helpful guidance on how to be more assertive or smart about saying no. They rightly say that many of us unduly worry about disappointing others, while very few appreciate the harm of being known as workaholics.
I’ll never forget hearing a top executive from a large company explain that an internal search for people to promote immediately ruled out anyone who compulsively worked nights, weekends, or vacations. These people obviously didn’t know how to prioritize or work effectively, the executive told me, so why would you promote them?
I have seen men fall into this trap. But I also remember the startled look of a male colleague with the same job as mine, who one day saw my online calendar on my computer. “what is all that?” she laughed to herself, looking at all the appointments, meetings, and homework reminders that piled up each week. Her own calendar turned out to be virtually empty by comparison.
I was not alone. The invisible and thankless work that consumes time and career priorities is overwhelmingly done by women.
If you don’t believe me, I suggest you read an excellent book on saying no that came out last year called the no club.
It was written by four female academics who realized that they and others like them were drowning in NPT, or “non-promotable tasks”: mentoring, training, scheduling, note-taking, or serving on committees to choose a new tour company.
They repeatedly found research evidence that women were being asked to do this job more than men, and were more likely to agree to do it.
In other words, there is a collective expectation that women will do more of the work than ever appears in an organization’s press releases or weekly updates.
The story was the same whether the women worked in supermarkets, airport security lines or law firms. At a large professional services firm, the authors found that the average woman spent about 200 hours a year—nearly a full month—more than the average man in non-promotable jobs.
Their findings have had an impact. Some organizations have devised ways to make staff aware of the gender division of the NPT and allocate that work fairly.
Many more must follow. It’s not just fairer. It is better for a company to use the time of all its workers well, rather than overwhelm a group with so much stressful work that they end up saying yes to a better job.
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