During the day, Chen Hualiang cooks, cleans and looks after the children – he takes on household chores that many Chinese fathers would rather leave to their wives. In doing so, he defies a deep-rooted patriarchal tradition and was even the inspiration for a successful television show.
The former project manager gave up the competition to join the growing number of “full-time fathers,” as they are called in China.
“When you work, you dream of a great career and that the money will help the family,” he told AFP from a villa in a suburb of Shanghai, while his four-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son played nearby.
“But nothing is certain, and a salary is not necessarily what your family needs most.”
Social norms in China have dictated for centuries that Men are the breadwinnerswhile the women take care of the household and children.
“My father was just a father. I never felt like he could help me except financially,” Chen said.
“I want to be like a friend to my children so they can share things with me.”
More than half of Chinese men would now agree to become househusbands, according to a 2019 survey cited by state media. In 2007, the figure was only 17 percent.
This has been accompanied by a broader recognition of women’s rights and their access to higher education, even though they are still underrepresented in leadership positions.
“The increase in the number of househusbands is due to the fact that women now have a higher status,” Pan Xingzhi, founder of an online psychological counseling platform, told AFP.
People also look for value for money: It is often cheaper for a couple to forgo a salary and care for the baby themselves than to hire a nanny or childminder, says Pan.
“Super helpful”
By choosing to stay at home, Chen has more time for his wife, Mao Li, the author of a best-selling book about stay-at-home dads.
“At the beginning of our marriage, I was amazed at his helpfulness as a husband,” she said.
“He worked a lot, so he didn’t help me with the kids and didn’t pay me much attention. But now he takes care of the kids and stays at home. I find him super helpful,” she said.
“I give it 9.5 out of 10.”
On Xiaohongshu, the Chinese equivalent of Instagram, other young househusbands proudly advertise their chosen lifestyle.
Chang Wenhao, 37, a content creator and education entrepreneur from the southern Chinese city of Zhuhai, is one of the converts.
He adjusted his work hours so that he could spend 80 percent of his time with his seven-year-old daughter and five-year-old son, going camping, horseback riding, biking and hiking with them.
“In terms of parenting techniques, encouragement, building confidence, developing their skills and their independence in life, I teach them things that they don’t learn in school or from other adults,” he said.
Mao’s book inspired a 36-part television series called “Husband and Wife,” which focuses on full-time fathers, reigniting the sometimes heated debate about men’s roles in the home in China.
“My parents are a little worried that I’m a stay-at-home dad,” Chen said.
“Some people, especially on social media, say I live off my wife.”
“You have to work”
Many other househusbands also report resistance from their families.
34-year-old Xu Xiaolin from the eastern Chinese city of Xiamen has been a stay-at-home dad since the company he worked for went bankrupt.
“In the beginning, my parents and grandparents often said: You have to work,” Xu told AFP.
“Older neighbors sometimes make comments about them. It bothers them, so they put pressure on me.”
Passersby sometimes make fun of him when he goes for a walk alone with his two-year-old son, he said.
“But people under 35 no longer have that mentality.”
Entrepreneur Chang also said he had noticed the beginning of a change in recent years.
“Many fathers are beginning to value their children’s company and education” and to respond to their needs.
“This will continue to evolve,” he said.
“But profound changes will still take time.”