Women today have been told that we have it all: careers, families, children, community involvement, and relationships. But too often, having it all leaves us with no time or strength for ourselves.

Recent research has shown that women today are less happy than in the last 40 years. There are many theories as to why, but lack of free time may be one of the main reasons.

“There is an enormous amount of stress and pressure on women: to be mothers, daughters, mothers, wives, professionals. All of these roles combined mean that many of us do not adequately care for ourselves, which is what sustains us and gives us strength. energy to take care of all these other responsibilities that we have,” says Randy Kamen Gredinger, a Wayland, MA, psychologist and Life coach specialized in women’s issues.

Whether you’re arguing Small children, waiting sleeplessly for her teenager to come home, caring for her elderly parents, or all of the above, every woman needs an occasional break for sanity reasons. This means taking time each day to do something for yourself.

But how can you make this happen?

First, realize how important it is.

“I’ve been talking to women about this for years, and we seem to have trouble even feeling like we’re worthy of being included on our own list of priorities,” says Amy Tiemann, author of Mojo Mom: Taking care of you while you start a family and founder of Mojomom.com.

“If you can’t do it because you feel like you deserve it, look at it this way: You’re the first to respond. An emergency can arise at any time and you should be as rested and recovered as you would be.” Be your emergency doctor or EMT,” says Tiemann. “And taking care of yourself will make you a better parent and partner. “You will be more fun to be with and will be more receptive to your family.”

Well, then you are convinced. It’s time to take some time for yourself. Now, when will you be able to fit it in? Don’t wait for the moment to magically appear. It will not.

Make your free time as important as the pediatrician visit, conference call, and meeting with the contractor. Treat it like any other appointment.

“You have to increase the battery recharge time,” says Margaret Moore, co-director of the McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School Training Institute. “We are very good at managing projects in our work lives, but not so good in our personal lives. Treat it like any project: I want to recharge my batteries so I don’t feel so drained and drained.”

Try to find at least half an hour or an hour every day for yourself.. It doesn’t have to be everything at once. And before you decide what you’re going to do with the time you’re adding to your schedule, promise yourself that you won’t waste it.

“We’re a multitasking society. If we’re talking to a friend, we’re thinking about all the other things we have to do,” says Allison Cohen, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. “Instead, you need to be present in the moment. Whatever you do for yourself, don’t think about your shopping list or PowerPoint presentation. There is a lot of time in our day that we could enjoy, but we won’t waste it because we are focused on what we have to do next.

You don’t need much time either. Here are ideas for making the most of even 5 minutes of “me” time.

• Sit on the porch with a cup of coffee and the newspaper. Or a cup of coffee and No newspaper. He just watches the clouds go by. No phones or calendars allowed.
• Call a friend to chat. This doesn’t mean planning the bake sale or organizing the neighborhood watch: just talking, without an agenda.
• Move. Get up from your desk, stretch, and walk around the block or up and down a flight of stairs.
• Breath deeply. While sitting in your office, car, or home, focus on breathing slowly and gently for 5 minutes. It’s okay if your mind wanders a little, but don’t start planning what to do next: just follow your breathing.
• Pet your pet. Focus for 5 minutes on hugging the cat or dog. You will both feel better.
• Turn on your iPod and press shuffle. Then just sit back and listen.

• Read a chapter from a book you’ve been meaning to spend time reading. Keep a basket in your office or living room with a good book, magazine, crossword puzzle, or other short escape.
• Find a nearby park and go for a brisk walk.
• Laze. This doesn’t mean cleaning the house or organizing your children’s clothes. Rather, it means doing little things at home that you enjoy, like pruning the rose bush and putting together a bouquet for your office or kitchen.
• Soak in the bathtub. If you’re a parent, make sure there’s another adult on duty so no one yells “Mom!” Plan to have fabulous bathroom items on hand. Don’t forget a glass of ice water or wine.

• Get a massagea facial or a manicure and pedicure.
• Take a nap.
• Schedule a class you’ve always wanted to take just for fun. For example, Amy Tiemann took an improv comedy class to spend a night alone after the birth of her daughter.
• Plan a long walk with a friend. Commit to it at the beginning of the week and honor the commitment. You’re not training for anything, you’re not trying to walk, you’re just taking a long walk with a good friend and enjoying the day.

Add your own favorites to these lists. Whatever you choose to do with your “me” time, make it relaxing and restorative.

“If you don’t think it’s working for you, try something else,” Moore says. “‘Shoulds’ are the enemy of relaxation. Don’t think about what you have to do, but about what makes you prosper.”