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Discover the ultimate secret to managing Major Depressive Disorder!




Insights on How Depression Affects Relationships

Understanding the Impact of Depression on Relationships

Depression is a complex illness that can have profound effects on relationships, whether it be with a spouse, family member, or friend. As a psychologist who has battled major depressive disorder since a young age, I have unique insights into how this condition can strain and challenge even the strongest of connections.

The Importance of Strong Relationships in Managing Depression

Research has shown that strong relationships can act as a buffer against depression and help mitigate its severity. A study following American adults over a 10-year period revealed that those with poor relationships were at a higher risk of developing depression.

However, maintaining healthy relationships while struggling with depression can be a daunting task. It’s crucial for individuals with depression to communicate openly with their loved ones about their condition and needs, fostering understanding and support.

Challenges in Communicating Depression

Depression is often misunderstood due to its invisible nature. Unlike a physical injury like a broken leg, the symptoms of depression can be subtle and easily overlooked. As individuals with depression, it’s essential to acknowledge the reality of this condition and communicate effectively with those around us.

Reframing Depression

One key aspect is distinguishing between genuine emotions and symptoms of depression. By clearly articulating to loved ones that feelings of sadness or irritability are not always indicative of a worsening condition, individuals can foster better understanding and support.

Managing Depression in Relationships

Children with parents who have depression often navigate challenging dynamics, feeling the need to tiptoe around their parents’ moods and emotions. It’s vital for parents to reassure their children that they are okay while communicating their needs for self-care and support.

Sharing Your Diagnosis Selectively

In a society where mental illness is still stigmatized, individuals with depression must carefully consider whom they disclose their diagnosis to, especially in professional settings. The misconceptions surrounding depression can lead to unfair judgments and biases, underscoring the importance of self-preservation and discretion.

Maintaining Mental Health in Relationships

Regular self-assessment is crucial in managing depression within relationships. By checking in with oneself and seeking professional help when needed, individuals can proactively address symptoms and prevent further strain on their relationships.

Self-Care as a Priority

Investing time and effort into self-care activities, such as exercise or relaxation, can significantly impact one’s mental well-being and relationship dynamics. By prioritizing self-care, individuals can enhance their overall quality of life and better support their loved ones.


Embracing a Holistic Approach to Mental Health

It’s essential to recognize that depression is a multifaceted condition that can affect every aspect of a person’s life, including their relationships. By adopting a holistic approach to mental health, individuals can address the interconnectedness of their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in navigating the complexities of depression.

Seeking Therapy and Medication Management

Therapy and medication play integral roles in managing depression and fostering healthier relationships. Consulting with a therapist regularly and discussing medication options are vital steps in creating a comprehensive treatment plan tailored to individual needs.

Nurturing Resilience and Coping Strategies

Building resilience and developing effective coping strategies are essential tools in managing depression and maintaining strong relationships. By cultivating coping mechanisms and practicing resilience-building exercises, individuals can navigate the ups and downs of depression with greater ease and grace.

Open Communication and Boundaries

Effective communication and setting boundaries are crucial components of healthy relationships, especially when one partner is dealing with depression. By openly discussing feelings, needs, and expectations, couples can strengthen their bond and create a supportive environment for each other.

Remember, seeking help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness. By prioritizing mental health and fostering open communication in relationships, individuals can navigate the challenges of depression with resilience and grace.


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By Deborah Serani, PsyD, as told to Hallie Levine

When it comes to talking about how depression affects relationships, I’m the expert. And it’s not just because I’m a psychologist. I have lived with major depressive disorder since I was 19 years old. Not only do I work on this issue with my patients, but I encounter it in my own life every day.

There is no doubt that strong relationships can help buffer depression and lessen the severity of depressive episodes. One study, for example, followed American adults ages 25 to 75 for 10 years and found that people who reported poor relationships with their spouse or other family members had a higher risk of depression.

But it can be hard to maintain relationships when you’re hurting yourself so much. This is what I tell my patients and what I want everyone who experiences depression and those who care about them to know.

Depression can be difficult to understand because it is an “invisible” illness. This is especially true if you struggle with it yourself. Most of us “understand” that a broken leg is an injury, for example, and that we need a cast and crutches to be able to move. But if you have symptoms of depression, such as a bad mood, difficulty concentrating, trouble sleeping, and generally feeling sad and uninterested in anything, it can be hard to resist the temptation to tell yourself to get over it.

But if you don’t accept the fact that your depression is real and an illness as chronic as high blood sugar or arthritis, you’ll be setting yourself up for relationship problems. Because? You are setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.

Your loved ones want to help you and make your life easier. They need you to tell them what you are prepared for and when you need help or a break. Spouses and other family members tend to worry too much. You can make their lives and yours easier by simply being honest about how you feel.

Make it clear that depression is not everything. It’s easy for loved ones to confuse real, authentic sadness or irritability with depression. You may be upset about the situation in Ukraine or worried about COVID-19, and a loved one mistakes these genuine emotions for simply a relapse of symptoms.

Again, they only care about you and your health. I recommend that you be honest with them and say, ‘No, it’s not that I skipped my medication or that my depression is getting worse.’ I have a really legitimate reason to be upset, and it’s X, Y or Z.’ So he talks to them about it. You will feel better sharing your thoughts and they will feel better knowing that you are controlling their symptoms.

This is especially true when it comes to children. My daughter, who is now 30, is used to having a mother with depression. When she was little, I noticed that she worried about me when she seemed quiet or in a bad mood. Sometimes she had to reassure him that Mom was okay.

Children who have parents with depression tend to feel like they need to walk on eggshells, that they don’t want to upset those parents. They want to be caregivers and they give up their own needs because they want to make sure they don’t set up a row of toppling dominoes for their chronically ill mom or dad.

It’s important for both you and your partner to reassure them that they don’t need to feel this way. Let them know that yes, you’re okay, but you may need some time in the sun or a walk outside to regroup and start feeling like yourself again. Just as it is important for you to monitor your own mental health, monitor theirs.

Be selective about who you share your depression diagnosis with. It may seem like you “should” be open about your depression and let your boss and coworkers know. But think carefully before doing so. Yes, we have come a long way in understanding mental illness, but it is still stigmatized. Employers view depression differently than other chronic conditions such as heart disease.

I have found this to be true in my own professional life. Yes, I have found that it helps patients to know that I too have days when it is difficult to get out of bed or that I am well aware of the side effects of certain antidepressant medications. Surprisingly, the stigma I’ve faced comes from other therapists, who feel like I’m sharing too much.

As a result, I have learned to be very careful with whom I share my personal struggles. You can have depression, be a wonderful father, and have a stellar career. But there is still a misconception that if you have this condition, you are defective as a person. It is very sad, but unfortunately it is a reality.

Check in with yourself frequently. Not only will it help you; It will help your relationships. I ask patients to ask themselves these three questions at least once every few weeks:

  • Has your partner commented that you seem more moody, sad or irritable lately?
  • Have you found yourself struggling every day for at least 2 weeks in more than one situation? (For example, feeling overwhelmed with both his work and his children.)
  • Do you find it difficult to do things with family and friends that you normally enjoy, like watching a movie or going out to eat?

If at least one of your answers is yes, consult with your therapist. And if you don’t have a therapist right now, consider getting one. You may also need to have a medication check, either to change medications or increase your dose.

Make it a priority to spend some time on self-care, too. It may seem like a luxury you can’t afford, financially or economically. But if you take just a few minutes a week, whether it’s going to the gym or taking a relaxing bath, you’ll feel better about yourself and be more willing to give in your relationships. Trust me. Your partner, children, friends and other family members will thank you.

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