Shane asks Dr. Becky Kennedy—a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and mother of three—his most pressing parenting questions. Dr. Becky discusses how to set proper boundaries for your kids, how that differs from making requests, and how you can use the same strategy with your partner. Kennedy also explains teenagers’ psychology, why they must stray from their parents, and how we can teach our teens confidence and resilience as they grow up.
Shane and Dr. Kennedy also discuss how we learn to regulate our emotions, how we can recover from blowouts with our kids, why kids will learn to blame themselves, and why it’s important to approach children with curiosity when trying to understand the challenges in their lives. Kennedy also answers questions from Shane’s parenting peers about screen time, competitive sports, and what happens to our relationships with our kids when adolescence ends.
Dubbed the “The Millennial Parenting Whisperer” by TIME Magazine, Dr. Becky Kennedy is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of “Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.” She also hosts “Good Inside with Dr Becky,” the top kids and family show on Apple Podcasts.
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00:00 – Intro
01:50 – Boundaries, defined
09:50 – Learning to speak in boundary language as an adult
17:30 – How to determine whether the relationship with your kid is healthy…or not
25:00 – Building confidence and resiliency in kids
29:09 – Handling Disappointment
29:54 – 3 Specific lines to use to open a conversational door
33:05 – How to handle your kids when they don’t take responsibility for their outcomes
40:20 – How the stories we tell ourselves damage our relationships
44:30 – How can adults learn to regulate their emotions?
54:17 – How to repair a relationship after a huge outburst?
01:09:44 – How to handle someone’s feelings when you don’t agree with what they’re saying
01:20:44 – How to deal with your kids’ screen time habits
01:31:50 – Is it okay to bribe your kids with rewards for good behavior?
01:43:45 – When does adolescence actually end?
01:46:30 – Is the intense environment of competitive sports bad?
01:47:43 – Why do parents wrap so much of our identity in our kids?
01:50:38 – Dr. Becky Kennedy’s definition of success
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ABOUT THE KNOWLEDGE PROJECT
Like the mentor you’ve always dreamed of having, The Knowledge Project shares timely yet timeless lessons for work and life. Past guests include Naval Ravikant, Daniel Kahneman, Jim Collins, Angela Duckworth, Seth Godin, Melanie Mitchell, & Esther Perel.
Share your favorite part of the convo below 👇. If you enjoyed this episode, hit the like button on the video! It helps us a lot. 🙏
I can't stand when intelligent people bring up evolution as if it's true. Ugghhhh! It was going so well.
This interview is fantastic. Highly recommend.
I feel very comfortable with my parenting–we have a large family and more than half are adults. I still learned a lot.
It incapsulates so much of what I want to share with my fellow parents, but don't know how to say it. Thank you!
Title is kind of misleading–overlook that part.
This kind of rhetoric is one of the main reasons I hesitated to have children. I didn’t need yet something else for people to tell me I was doing poorly.
So, I never had kids. Given the longevity of marital relationships and how easily children get harmed by EVERYTHING, probably turned out for the best. And I get out of the guilt and shame and have no obligation to try to live for several more decades.
just eariler Becky said skills are not learnt by age, and to the part where she said she thinks kids just have no ablibies to self regulate phone, one of the point is because "even audlts cant self regulate phone".
by me disagreeing on kids just have no abilities to self regulate torwards phone, i dont mean i think they are able to have complete control to phone, i just dont think they cant understand how phones are made to be addicting in particular ways, i think they are able to have ablities to practice self awareness, they have ability to practice prioritizing what is better to do first and what can be delayed.
maybe its impossable because audlts themselfs dont have knowledge it it and cant master it too, let alone teaching/guiding/working with them about it. then in that case the whole saving them eventhough they wont like sounds fair and reasonable.
there is a drk video where he explains letting kids notices their emotion changes the longer they are on a screens, and let them also agree that taking breaks and doing other stuff feels better, but i cant find the video! its probably burried in one of the longer streams 🙁
i am so glad this video get me to know more of how and what to aim when communicating with kids/partner, i always donno what to do and definitely will drop into proving what they feeling is invalid. i will still tell them what i think though, just wont prove that they are wrong.
Love the question on personal responsibility, because that’s where I get caught up and make things worse.
I think it depends on the child. I was a very anxious child, and I grew up with working parents. It was horrible. Sure it taught me independence but I felt so neglected, and my parents were always the ones that rarely showed up for school events etc. It broke my little heart seeing my friends with supportive parents while I sat alone or with other families 😢 I now live with the trauma and trying to prevent my kids feeling the same way.
This was quite insightful. Thank you for this episode. It helps me as a mom of a toddler, and 1st grader!
I yelled at my toddler in the bath the other night because he was ignoring my instructions to not throw water in his baby brothers face. He cried, the baby cried, and I wanted to cry. Later on, we were playing and I looked at my son and I said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you in the bath earlier, I shouldn't have yelled. It's scary when people yell, I'm gonna try really hard not to do that when I'm upset. He looked at me and smiled and gave me a hug. I was so taken aback. I think I will remember that moment for years to come.
I was never given the opportunity to be safe. It’s my Birthday today Aug 24/24. At 64 I’m finally free .🦋
Thank you
From a teacher’s perspective – focusing on increasing motivation – please check out attribution theory as an alternative explanation and strategy for dealing with moments of failure (and success!) 35:27
So, for screen time, my child and I decided on a time limit per day that is enforced by an app. And honestly with it being automatic and giving them a time on their screen showing how many minutes left they have, they don’t fight me on it. Plus they can earn extra time by doing chores, being kind, or if I need them distracted because I’m in a meeting or something I can adjust it.
When you can sit (on the bench) with someone and hear them out, sometimes that’s all it takes. Emotions expressed and released is what gets people to move themselves to another (sunnier 🌞) bench. Thanks for the garden bench analogy 🙏🏼 beautiful!!
So many wonderful takeaways from this interview ❤
19:48
22:45
@danielleswain7929
1:09:42
Im so glad youre telling me about that…
I believe you
I needed to see this more than ever tonight! On so many levels right now. Work, family and relationship wise.
Thank you so much for sharing your valuable, insightful and inspiring advice❤❤❤
What helped me the most with raising my children was the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. It is honestly a game changer
I’m struggling at 65. Yay🎉. 😢
"Confidence is Self Trust.."
The way she lays out how she'd talk to her kid about him getting off his game after a certain time was kinda disturbing? THAT was threatening. And when she talks about if a kid comes to you with a disappointment and you respond "I believe you" feels really weird. Personally I would shut down after that.
I can understand some of the points she made but overall a lot of this bothers me.
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