I had many reasons to be afraid of pregnancy. My mother had six miscarriages and unfortunately I know many other people who have struggled with miscarriages or fertility problems or both. But when our house caught fire the day after we found out I was pregnant with a baby boy, I was able to put my fears into perspective instead of reflecting on the disaster.
First and foremost, I am thankful that I had a healthy pregnancy and a smooth birth for my little boy. I am also grateful to be able to work remotely where I have had the flexibility to schedule doctor appointments and everything else that comes with growing as a person and to be surrounded by supportive family, friends and co-workers. I’m nervous and excited to take on this new role as a mother while also being a founder, CEO and wife, and I look forward to having some time to focus on my family. All in all, pregnancy is never “easy” — and it’s a reminder of the importance of prioritizing your mental health.
With good news came fear
Given my family history and everything I knew about infertility and miscarriages, when I found out I was pregnant I was expecting nine months of anxiety because you really never know if your baby is healthy until you hold them in your arms .
This fear was compounded by the reality of planning maternity leave and the possible toll it could have on my career, not to mention the surging hormones of the first trimester. As Founder and CEO, I’ve been in lockstep with the company every step of the way – whether it’s raising capital, building an incredibly talented team, or winning new clients around the world. The thought of retiring is scary. While we’ve grown rapidly to meet the booming demand for mental health, it’s a fragile time for any company given the market conditions.
dueling obligations
As the leader of a mental health company, I expect to take extended maternity leave, meditate my journey through labor, and practice yoga while bouncing my newborn baby on my hip.
On the other hand, there is tremendous pressure on female CEOs to prove we can do anything, especially for those running a wellness business. We’re a fast-growing company and I want to be there to guide my colleagues as we enter economically uncertain times.
I want to be able to make the decisions that are best for me and my family without judgment or expectations – I want that for all women in the workplace.
After my home and everything in it was destroyed by fire, everything quickly became relative.
gain perspective
My husband and I moved to Boston from the Bay Area to be closer to our families when we started building our own. We had just moved into our new house and found that we were expecting it when we got a frantic call from a neighbor from out of town: The house we had just moved into was on fire after the neighbor’s house died fire had broken out.
Within an hour our neighbor’s house burned down to the ground and ours was beyond saving. We lost everything—priceless family memories, a vintage jacket from my grandmother, a menorah from my grandfather, and my college lacrosse gear that I wanted to give to my kid one day. But one thing we recovered from the wreck: the ultrasound photo from our first doctor’s appointment.
The symbolism, too powerful to ignore, somehow calmed me. The trauma took my time to center myself and with the help of my therapist and husband I realized that nothing is more important than health – both mental and physical. And despite endless insurance claims and uncertainty about our future, I was confident that everything would be fine.
Balancing the state of mental health
In the past few months of prioritizing my mental health, I have found comfort and greater ease. Obviously, I’m still nervous about parenthood, but I realize more than ever the importance of taking steps to focus on my own mental health.
You don’t have to work in the mental health field to know that the prenatal mental health of pregnant women has become a global public health concern. Studies have shown that up to 20% of women experience mood or anxiety disorders during pregnancy and after childbirthand in the US, mental illness is the most common complications of pregnancy and childbirth.
I got lucky on my pregnancy journey, even with the house fire, but it took a mental toll on me. As someone who typically drives a million miles an hour, listening to my mind and body when I’m feeling overwhelmed and taking a break has been so important. Whether that means taking a physical break like a quick nap, or a mental break from what scares me, I’ve struggled but tried to give myself permission to step back — even for a few minutes — and know that I can when I come back, ‘I’ll be in a better room. I have also relied heavily on my therapist to work through my concerns and continue my meditation practice to relieve daily stress. By normalizing the mental health conversation and sharing our individual journeys, together we can encourage others to take care of their physical and mental health.
The traumatic experience of fire demonstrated an inability to control the uncontrollable. As I continued to focus on my mental health, I became less concerned about maternity leave. I can’t control the volatility of the market, what other people think of me, or the nuances of my child’s development. My child might face problems and my business might face headwinds that I couldn’t possibly have foreseen. Instead of torturing myself with what I can’t control, I commit to taking care of my mental health to prepare for my most important job yet: motherhood.
Together with the team we have built at Modern Health, we can continue to carry out our important mission. And when I inevitably slip, I take a look at this charred ultrasound photo to remind myself what really matters.
Alyson Watson is the founder and CEO of Modern Health.
The opinions expressed in Fortune.com comments are solely the views of their authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and beliefs of wealth.
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