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While I was hard at work on some phone manager on a recent dreary morning, a notification popped up that shook me to my core. A friend appeared to have left a minute-long voice note in a 13-member group chat.
What could have happened? I asked myself. What could he have to say to the other 12 of us that demanded our immediate collective listening attention like this? As he listened, intrigue gave way to indignation. Not only had he left a one-minute voice note in a WhatsApp group of 13 people, but it was addressed to and referring only to another person in the chat. My friend had flagrantly broken the code on her voice notes, and yet, without any code explicitly stated, she had no way to report her.
Voice notes are a very divisive means of communication. There are those, like me, who enjoy leaving them as much as (when used correctly) listening to them; those who enjoy receiving them but not recording them, or vice versa; and then there are those who hate them and feel it very strongly. Countless column inches have been dedicated to exposing how invader, self indulgent and inconsiderate they are.
However, it seems that the haters are losing the battle. A poll A study conducted by YouGov for Vox last year found that 62 percent of Americans have sent them, and about 30 percent communicate this way on a regular basis. WhatsApp said in 2022 that people were sending a whopping 7 billion voice notes a day on its platform. But even the voice memo aficionados among us have our limits. We all know a boring voice note. And it’s time to set some ground rules before future mornings are ruined.
Debrett has tried to put forward some very basic voice memo etiquette in 2022, but it was too prohibitive. He suggested limiting voice memos to less than two minutes; do not use filler words like “like”; Do not send voice notes when you are drunk. You do not need to follow any of these rules. In fact, one of the great joys of a voice note is that, as long as you leave it with someone who cares about you and doesn’t hate voice notes, you can really relax and be yourself. “Hey”, “what was I saying?”, hiccups and everything.
Which brings us to our first rule: only leave voice notes for someone you’re sure likes you. A voice note is a demand on another person’s time. It is also, as detractors say, somewhat self-indulgent. While it is true that a little complacency It can actually be quite healthy., it is unreasonable to expect someone who doesn’t like you to please you. Also never argue using voice notes. Not allowing someone to respond in real time to an accusation you are making is emotionally torturing them. And don’t leave a voice note when you’re in a bad mood either: no one wants to hear you complain.
Don’t force voice memos on those (albeit unenlightened) people who have told you they hate them, unless there is a very good reason why you can’t send text messages. If you do, you should be open to the possibility that they will never hear your monologue. Maybe that’s okay. After all, delivering the monologue can be quite fun in itself.
Making your listener wait while you talk to another person (a boss, a partner, or a pet) is unacceptable. So is making them wait while you look for your train ticket, your keys or your child. A “pause” function is available. Use it.
Never give complicated instructions or directions in a voice note; They must be written down so that the other person can consult them. If you end up leaving a long voice note that contains a mix of key information (like an answer to a specific question the other person asked you) and rambling fragments, follow up with text that gives the other person what’s important. so that they are not forced to listen immediately.
Your messages don’t need to be too short. Some of my favorite broadcasters leave me messages of 10 minutes or more. Leaving a voice note less than 10 seconds long, unless you’re funny or the other person adores you, is irritating. Write it down instead.
Follow the other person’s cues. If they respond to your eight-minute special offers with one-minute voice messages or short text messages, take the hint. Additionally, if your message is longer than four minutes, you should be open to the possibility that it will take a long time for the other person to listen and respond. If your message is longer than 10 minutes, they may never hear it. Be at peace with that.
Actually, all you need to do is remember to use some common sense. Modern innovations do not have to negate old-fashioned good manners. And, for the love of God, unless you’ve won a Nobel Prize, lost a limb, or been convicted of 34 counts of felonies, never, ever leave a voice note in a group chat.