Throwing a party can be stressful, and when it’s a big production, it can be scary. I realized this in the run-up to my martini book launch party earlier this year, an event where the stakes were a little higher than my usual gatherings.
It made me wonder: how do professionals craft an invitation that one simply cannot refuse? How do you make sure your event is the one that stands out in the blizzard that is the holiday season?
“Simplicity is the key… as long as you have a great place to host the party, I really think everyone will come,” says Ivana Giachino, founder of Lo Studio, an agency that conceives some of the most exclusive events in the world of luxury. “To get people fully engaged, you need to host in a private home. Ruth Rogers Cartier’s recent dinner at his Chelsea home, co-hosted by Idea Culture’s Jake Gyllenhaal and Nick Vogelson, was simply perfect: great location, great food, and the most interesting mix of creatives you could ask for. Also Charlotte Stockdale and Mark Newson dinner at her apartment in Victoria in honor of Noura Sakkijha, CEO and co-founder of Mejuri, the coolest apartment I’ve ever been in.”
The opportunity to snoop around on an extraordinary platform is a definite plus. In May, I was invited to a dinner hosted by Diane von Furstenberg at her 15th century palace in Venice, an event made even more memorable by our hostess, who concluded the evening by urging us to go explore her accommodation.
A fun and interesting guest list is also key, says Paula Fitzherbert, global communications director at the Maybourne Group, whose group includes The Connaught, The Emory and Claridge. “I might not have done this 20 years ago, but now I always mix young and old – there is a real appetite for intergenerational matches. I like to include people from different walks of life and maybe a national treasure or two. I keep a list on my phone of people I know and think, ‘Oh, they’d be good for a party.’ And I always overinvite, around 20 percent, because I always like there to be too many people; It makes him feel like he’s a hot ticket.”
Fitzherbert’s standout day is Claridge’s annual Christmas tree party, where the hotel’s designer tree is unveiled, an event that attracts a guest list of around 250. “It’s the only time we allow guests go up to the first floor landing, which I normally don’t have access to. You might see Kate Moss drinking champagne with Joan Collins and Grayson Perry comparing outfits with Marina Abramović. It’s always a fun night. And there are some stories to tell about the legendary after parties…”
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“Don’t be afraid to mix it up a little. Difference creates energy,” says Annabel McAvoy, a party expert who previously gathered guests for Elton John’s annual Winter Ball. “But also let guests know who else in their circle of friends you’ve invited, so they know they’re in good company.”
Unfortunately, the printed, or “stiff,” party invitation is a rarity these days (have you seen the price of a stamp lately?). If sent, it serves more as a mantelpiece keepsake than a curtain raiser. But even a fairly simple e-invitation can be turned into something creative, says Harriet Clapham, an arts consultant who has organized many star-studded fundraisers. “The invitation is your introduction to the evening and an opportunity to capture your guests’ imaginations. “I love working with a creator, like my friend, artist and curator Mafalda Millies Kahane, to make something unique for the occasion.”
And even if it’s just an email, Fitzherbert says, try to personalize it a little. Clarity is also important. “If it’s for dinner, I want to know when we’ll be seated; If someone invites me at 7:30, I don’t want to stand for an hour and a half. I also like to know when it ends!”
Dress codes are a thing of the past, says publicist Gemma Bell. “What you really want is for people to feel comfortable. The way you word the invitation should give them a good indication of what type of event it is and what they would like to wear.”
The modus vivendi of invitations may now be virtual, but Giachino puts a limit on hasty WhatsApp. “I hate it, for me it is an absolute no. And never make a copy of an invitation and exploit it. Never.”
How far in advance should you communicate with people? That depends, says Artfarm chief executive Ewan Venters, an inveterate party animal whose social circle includes King Charles III, Tracey Emin and Judi Dench. “Before, people sent invitations six weeks in advance and never even imagined that they wouldn’t be able to attend, even for weddings! But nowadays the idea of receiving an invitation six weeks early absolutely horrifies me. I think that there are increasingly two types of invitation. One is 12 weeks early and you’ll want to lock it in people’s diaries. But there’s also fun to be had with the daring last-minute invitation. People love a bit of that too. And you discover, especially in the case of very busy people, that sometimes a space suddenly opens up in their schedule.”
When it comes to RSVPing, “remember, you’re either going or you’re not going,” says the etiquette influencer and best-selling author Just good mannersWilliam Hanson. “There’s no middle ground between ‘maybe attend,’ despite what Facebook likes to tell us.”
I’ve always thought it’s a bit necessary to ask if you can bring a companion (unless there’s a good reason or they’re a really nice person). But HTSI entertaining columnist Laila Gohar It is much more accommodating. “I believe that generosity in all its forms is what characterizes a good host; excluding people is very old fashioned. If someone asks you to bring their partner, say yes! There’s always room at my table for one more…” (I’d like to see her say that to the friend who once showed up at my party accompanied by 10 thirsty druids.)
Cancellations are inevitable and each one of them is a dagger to the heart. (I have a friend who maintains that it’s kinder to simply not show up than to send an apology in advance and risk putting off the host.) “If there’s a subway strike or the weather gets bad, it can kill you,” Fitzherbert says. “A rainy night is not your friend.” I still squirm remembering a Christmas carol party I once had, where a light dusting of snow caused all my guests to gradually leave, one by one.
Venters is philosophical about no-shows: “[The socialite, businessman and former FT etiquette columnist] David Tang once told me, “Remember, Ewan, if a guest never responds, or even accepts and then declines at the last minute, it’s their loss.” And since then I have always had that opinion, so if people cancel I never get stressed.”
As for my book party, I’m pleased to say it was a joyful crush. So everything went well. At least, until the next morning…