Holding on to previous romantic ties creates feelings of distrust and can hinder an otherwise promising relationship. So are you wondering if your honey heart Is he still in the hands of a past love? There is no way to know for sure without talking to your partner about her concerns. But how do you know when you need to have that conversation? Here are 10 signs that it may be time to bring up the topic.

We all compare our current Romance to those we have had in the past, and an occasional reference to an old establishment is no cause for alarm. “But,” says marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, “if it’s happening 24/7, it’s a problem. That will prevent both of you from enjoying the new relationship.”

Sherman says that if you hear every detail and story about the previous relationship, it’s probably a sign that your partner hasn’t moved on.

Silence about a former lover may indicate a lack of closure. Feelings of guilt about carrying a secret torch often make a person not want to talk about their ex. If you notice that your partner is afraid to mention her ex or if she has tried it and it becomes a sore point, Sherman says, it’s time to ask why.

Whether with Facebook, a have a date profile, or Googling the ex’s name, says relationship expert and author John Gray, keeping frequent tabs online can be a red flag. Gray says: “If they spend too much time online following a previous partner, you may feel abandoned. Are you getting what you need from this person, especially when they spend two hours on Facebook after dinner? If not, Gray says, it’s time to talk.

Frequent emails, phone calls, or online messages with a past love can take a toll on a current relationship. But it’s a matter of context, says Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax.

If you’re talking about weekly emails and your partner is still fully committed to your current relationship, then it’s not a sign of anything. But if it’s weekly emails and your partner isn’t devoted, then you have a legitimate concern, Hax says. Your partner may not have cut the umbilical cord

A new relationship is all about trust, Sherman says. If you don’t agree with your current partner’s contact with an ex, say so. Your partner and his or her ex should be willing to take a break while the two of you focus on what you have together. It doesn’t have to be a permanent breakup, but it is the most respectful thing to do.

Talk about bad timing. During orgasm, the mind is completely uninhibited, making it easier for another person’s name to slip out, Gray says. That type of mistake usually suggests unresolved feelings toward an ex.

Looking at memories of a relationship is part of the healing process. But, Sherman says, it’s time to let go of the reminders when the feelings are resolved. Your partner doesn’t need to leave his favorite sweatshirt and all those love letters on the sidewalk. But they should be out of everyday reach.

As for photos on display, it’s one thing to have a group photo that includes a former classmate on the wall. Another is to erect a shrine to that person or line the bedroom with a display of your glory days together. You can gently and tactfully suggest that you keep those pretty frames and fill them with new memories of the two of you.

Be careful with a partner who turns affections on and off. Gray says it could be a sign of internal turmoil. Your partner may act cold and withdraw when they feel guilty for not giving them the same kind of love in the past relationship. Then the passion can be rekindled when your partner feels guilty for staying away from you.

One of the symptoms of not being ready to move on is the phrase “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Or: “I like you, but I still want to see others.” If a long-standing relationship is not moving to the next level, then the obstacle could be another person from the past.

“When someone asks themselves, ‘Should I go back? Because I did not work? it can create a barrier to moving forward,” says Gray.

Having trouble maintaining an erection or reaching orgasm can be a symptom of an emotional problem, says Gray. Guilt can create a feeling of unworthiness and prevent someone from fully surrendering to a new partner.”

Gray emphasizes, however, that many other factors can affect performance in the bedroom, such as depression, high estrogen levels, excess abdominal fat and drug abuse.

“Sometimes clients tell me, ‘I have a feeling something’s not right,’” Sherman says. It’s a good barometer, he says. If he thinks something just doesn’t feel right, it’s probably worth bringing it to light. It could lead to a discovery about his partner’s feelings for another person.

Plus, if you feel the need to snoop, there’s a good chance your relationship has trust issues, Sherman says. He tries to get to the cause of the mistrust and postpones the detective work.

As much headache and pain as it may cause, couples can survive one partner being stuck in a previous failed relationship. But the longer you wait to talk, the more likely you are to resent the situation, Sherman says.

Start the dialogue with your hanging love with a “working together” approach instead of pushing the other person away with angry words. Use phrases like “I need your help,” “I need you to reassure me,” and “I love you and I want to work with you on this” to get started, Sherman says.

If you’re having trouble addressing the issue but really think it’s worth working on, it may be time to seek help from a couples therapist.

If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with the love of your life, be careful not to jump on the jealousy train prematurely and make quick accusations. In the absence of broader context, there’s no reason to harass your partner with a “how dare you” attitude. before every little suspicion.

“Extreme jealousy is worse than having lingering feelings for another person,” Hax says. “Often a problem is just feelings. But being constantly on the lookout for bad things tends to be a deeper trust issue.”