Judge John Hodgman on eating candy you find on the street

Katrina writes: I have no problem eating sweets I find on the street: Dum-Dums, Jolly Ranchers, Tootsie Rolls. They are always wrapped. My partner insists that they could be contaminated. But if the universe sends me candy, who am I to turn it down? Please decide that street sweets are okay to eat and order him to buy me a bag of Dum-Dums as damages.

I agree that no one is trying to poison you, as the street candy you describe is garbage – gifts that people scoop out of a bowl at the doctor’s office or the garbage can and then throw away when they realize they have the wrong taste. But you don’t know if that candy has been there for five seconds or five years. Do I trust a Tootsie Roll wrap to protect me against dog urine and ant raids? No. Throw it away. However, I will order your partner to bring you that bag of Dum-Dums, and to casually pull them out of your pockets the next time you go for a walk.