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Judge John Hodgman on goodbye kisses


Mark writes: My wife and I always share a kiss when she leaves the house. But lately, she has started to kiss the dogs first. Yesterday, she even gave one of the dogs “raspberries” in her belly before expecting a good-bye kiss from me. Please order my wife to give me the first dibs.

A big part of loving dogs is learning to tolerate revulsion. You live in the knowledge that this beloved snout is adoringly licking you while at the same time shoveling in as much urine, feces, and dog bottoms as he can find. Depending on your dog’s sleeping style, kissing his tummy is probably no worse than kissing the bottom of a Roomba. But is that really less hygienic than simple human kisses? Life is pretty gross. We do what we must to get through it, and messy fellowship is part of that. If it helps to know that you’re kissing your wife’s chew hole before your dogs, so be it.


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