Judge John Hodgman on inviting his dead fiance to dinner

Sierra writes: My fiancé says that when he dies, he wants to be honored according to the tradition of the ancient Scythians: that our friends house his embalmed body for dinner, and then bury it in a kurgan. I want to respect his wishes. But I think they can be too repulsive.

I have nothing against a kurgan. If you have room in your backyard to make a Scythian burial mound, go for it. As for dinner, it’s not that different from an open casket wake. But if it’s not for you, you have two options: the traditional American marriage custom of saying yes from time to time by ignoring it, or just saying, “Hell no.” The Scythians were nomadic warriors, and many of their warriors were women. . . women who probably didn’t have time for their husbands’ mommy problems. Have him get a fellow Scyth-head to receive his body for dinner. You can skip it and honor it in any way you don’t find nauseating.