Harry writes: My 21-year-old son and I occasionally go on vacation to places where English is not the native language. I like to tap into some basic words, like ciao, grazie, arrivederci. My son thinks that my accent and pronunciation are insulting and an affront to the locals. I am seeking a ruling that allows me to continue using small amounts of non-English languages if, in my heart, I am being sincere. My son would like you to rule that I only ever speak English.
When we visited Italy, I handed out grazies to every human I saw. My children, then 14 and 18, took me aside to say stop it. And I did, for two reasons. First, they were right: I was embarrassing myself. And second, I was still within my parental obligation to not embarrass them. But if they had been 21, I (and Google Translate) would have said: Silenzio! Siamo tutti adulti ormai! È tempo per me di essere “cringe” come voglio! Sorry for getting it all wrong, Italian speakers. I’m just a grown man racing to my grave and trying to have some fun before it’s over.
John Hodgman is the host of the “Judge John Hodgman” podcast. More about John Hodgman