Morgan writes: My lover refuses to brush her teeth with me. She fears she will die of corniness if she is party to the saccharine cliché of a couple’s chatting during oral hygiene. But what if this communal toothbrushing is our last shared waking moment together? My last chance to tell my best friend about my day as a dribble of toothpaste rolls down my fragile chin? Help!
Worrying that bathroom talk with your lover (ugh) will make you somehow less co is an anxious kind of existence. But I still rule against you. Bathroom rituals offer rare moments of quiet (and literal!) reflection. It’s OK for even the most lovey lovers (double ugh) to have private lives they visit from time to time while staring in the mirror. Especially when their mouth is full. I personally feel suffocated enough by a maw full of minty froth without also having you staring at me, expecting repartee, and wondering which of us is going to drop dead first.