Magnify Your Personal Success: The Ultimate Guide to Resigning and Redefining Your Destiny

I was getting sick Like, all the time. Pneumonia one month, an ovarian cyst that landed me in the ER the next. The onslaught of ailments seemed endless, and to top it all off, he couldn’t figure out the source. I ate clean, exercised at least five days a week, spent a lot of time outdoors, and had great relationships with my friends. What gives? I thought.

Throughout this difficult and confusing time, I learned to love a quote from Oprah that spoke to my situation: “Difficulties arise when you don’t pay attention to the whisper of life. Life always whispers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you will get a scream.”

Later I learned that my ailments were part of the cry of life.

Life screamed at me that my identity, so wrapped up in my career, was in crisis.

As an ambitious, first-generation American, and first-generation college student from small-town America, that was a great thing, on paper. My peers, parents, and teachers praised me only for my perceived successes as a student and, later, by a broader audience, as a political reporter in Washington.

But what often lurks beneath that kind of perceived success is the inner turmoil that comes from keeping up the facade. The truth I did not admit was that anxiety consumed me. I was dissatisfied putting so much time and effort into a job that didn’t align with my values, causing me to lose sleep and myself in the process. I felt that some of the stories I wrote did more harm than good for politics. But you would never know from the smile I easily put on when people asked me about the job.

If your identity is your career, as it was for me, it becomes deeply personal whenever something negative happens at work. Some may not feel “good enough” if they are passed over for a promotion despite working long hours, while others feel constantly on edge because their manager doesn’t have their best interest in mind. Or maybe you are one of the thousands of people laid off in the last few months, you wonder who you are if you don’t “Insert job title here.”

There is no shortage of “negatives” in any given work, even the so-called “dreams”.

Worse, it doesn’t really matter. that They are: If your identity is linked to your work, any negative aspect could have a serious cost.

It’s like a drug addiction, explains licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Naomi Bernstein, PsyD. Like an addict looking for his next hit, someone who links her identity to her job is looking for the next dopamine hit: a bonus or a word of praise from her boss, for example. Those aforementioned negatives acquire the same feeling as a withdrawal. “You end up in a ‘seeking mentality’ where you’re constantly looking for the next thing to get you high. And you miss your whole life,” Bernstein says.

Meet the experts:
Dr Naomi BernsteinPsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist in Lynbrook, NY and co-host of the bets “Overshare” podcast.

Elizabeth WinklerLMFt, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Meditation Teacher based in Beverly Hills.

Dr. Kara O’LearyPhD, is a clinical psychologist based in Washington, D.C.

Make no mistake: It’s a privilege to be able to consider yourself independent and career-oriented and pursue a career that aligns with your desires. But like everything, this also has a dark side, and the implications can be dangerous. As you keep chasing the next dopamine hit, the stakes just keep getting higher. And then the call for attention could come in the form of a scream.

Finally hearing the cry of life allowed me to regain control and start living on my terms.

“The disturbances in our lives, the problems, challenges, traumas, whatever they may be, are our best teachers,” says Elizabeth Winkler, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified meditation teacher. It is actually better to use those negative experiences to grow and ultimately align more with who we are supposed to be.

As I began my detangling “journey,” I was reminded of a time nearly a decade earlier when I was a sophomore in college. Over coffee near campus, I yelled at my mentor that I didn’t know what to do with my life. He looked at me and calmly he asked me, “What if it’s not about that you will be, but WHO are you supposed to convert?

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I stopped just short of rolling my eyes at how hackneyed it sounded then. And also, as an addict, I had a one-way mind about how I would get my next dopamine hit; it was carefully channeled through my vision, and perhaps the world’s vision, of success. I wanted a full-time job with a six-figure salary that would come with recognition from my peers (which is what I ultimately got).

But that semi-schmaltzy feeling stuck. Now, as a 28-year-old, this advice has been my mantra in what will likely be an ongoing process of untangling. WHO I’m from that Yeah.

“[Leaving a job is] a very challenging place to be,” says Winkler. But when you feel like the world is collapsing around you because you’ve left something to support your ego, which is really collapsing is your ego, explain. “And in the collapse of your ego, you can discover who you really are.”

Brooke Baldwin went through that experience of self-discovery and ego-breaking, and it inspired me as I went through mine. I felt so validated on my journey after talking to Baldwin about her life after leaving her job as an anchor at CNN.

“My identity was inextricably linked to my work at CNN,” he tells me by email. When he left, Baldwin felt lost. “Who am I without this great fancy job title?”, she remembers asking herself.

“After months of deep inner work, learning to really come home to myself (I’m still on that journey, by the way), I’ve realized that I’m even more amazing as ‘just Brooke,'” she says. . “But it has been hard work to get here. I credit my group, especially certain friends who have also pivoted professionally, my spiritual practice, and my self-confidence and self-confidence.”

My inner work was very similar to Baldwin’s. Yo I started to meditate seriously after I quit my job. After a lot of time, and a lot of therapy, I was able to begin to truly reflect in my meditations on the characteristics that make up the person that’s Sarah apart from the work I do as a journalist. I’m ambitious, sure, but I’m also resilient. I am introspective and deeply value relationships with my friends and family, to name a few.

My values ​​are the things that will never leave me no matter what I choose to do with my life to make money.

Taking stock of what you value as an individual, in addition to being an employee, is important but hard work. But if you’re on your own detangling journey, you don’t have to go it alone.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Kara O’Leary, PhD, provides a form of therapy called acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, which acknowledges the existence of suffering in life and teaches accepting negative feelings in order to move on. Later, these tried and true ACT methods can help anyone who finds themselves in a difficult work situation to cope and succeed, in the true sense of the word.

1. Acknowledge and honor your feelings through mindfulness activities.

If you are new to the concept of mindfulnessBasically, it’s just one word to describe the act of stepping back and observing the moment. The key here is to do it without any judgment, either positive or negative. For example, notice how you feel when you start work in the morning compared to when you finish it, O’Leary recommends. You can even write those feelings down in a journal to really see and articulate the difference each day.

2. Connect with your whole being outside of work.

Use what you learned about yourself in step one and see if it connects to anything about who you are as a whole person. Ask yourself, “Can I take a step back and look at what’s happening right now? Is this part of a bigger pattern for me?” suggests O’Leary. For example, if you find that you feel exhausted because your job requires your time outside of normal work hours, you may realize that this feeling is connected to your value of “balance” as a whole person.

3. Take ownership of your values.

O’Leary recommends using “Living By Our Values” Worksheet by Brene Brown to answer the question: What do I want my life to represent? In my case, this step was perhaps the most definitive. By allowing me to take a step back and examine what it was that I truly valued in life, it opened the door for me to consider career and life opportunities that I wouldn’t have otherwise, to truly be “aligned” with who I am.

4. Find yourself with intention.

Anyone can use an intention to stop their thoughts from spiraling and to focus their mind. The best way to use an intention is to be present in the present moment, Bernstein says. To start, notice any sounds or physical sensations, such as the feel of your feet on the ground. Once you feel connected to the “now”, you can tell yourself: “I will seek my identity in moments of gratitude instead of fear”.

Essentially, this means that you will look within to see who you are when you have a positive mindset. Take stock of the things you are grateful for, and then try to learn what values ​​you can place on yourself. It may even be helpful to take such moments into account by keeping a gratitude journal where you can list instances of personal strength.

For me, being afraid seemed like I was clinging to a career that wasn’t right for me because I was afraid of what it would be like to walk away from the safety of the “known.” In my own exploration, I was able to visualize a life and career centered around some of the values ​​I identified with: service, vulnerability, spirituality, to name just a few.

5. Set goals that help you achieve your values, not “success.”

Once you’ve done the inner work described in the previous steps, start setting small goals to show yourself consistent with those values, O’Leary says. If you value family, take time out of your busy day to schedule a phone call with a loved one. If your value is service, start helping a friend in need or look for local volunteer opportunities.

on my own endless journey, that also means being flexible in how I define my identity and constantly continuing to give myself grace. I don’t have to stick to those arbitrary rules that I made up for myself or thought society wanted me to follow. My identity will continue to change and grow as I go through life. HE WHO I am because I don’t care anymore that I guess” be.