Healthy parents teach their children independence and self-reliance. But alienating parents foster dependency and vulnerability in their children. Alienators need to be needed.
Healthy parents love their children more than they need their children. But alienators need their children more than they love their children. In younger children alienators sow seeds of fear. In older children they sow seeds of hatred. This ensures the child’s undivided love.
Healthy parents teach a child that the world is full of imperfect people who sometimes make mistakes and sometimes disappoint us. But alienators teach a child to see the world in black and white; people are either all-good or all-bad. Any real mistakes an “all-bad” person makes become the entirety of who they are.
Alienators are masters of manipulation, and there are two main subtypes.
Alienators with narcissistic traits (mostly men) are control freaks. They see themselves as perfect and anyone who dares to oppose them as inferior. They speak with charisma and conviction.
Alienators with borderline traits (mostly women) are sympathy freaks. They see themselves as victims and anyone who dares to oppose them as abusers. They speak with passion and drama.
Regardless of the subtype, alienators are very convincing. Most people are duped. And by most people I mean friends, family members, teachers, coaches, counselors, custody evaluators, guardians ad litem, and, of course, their own children.
The end result of all this manipulation is that the child aligns themself almost completely with the alienating parent. There are many reasons for this, and comparisons have been made to Stockholm syndrome/trauma bonding, but I believe a better analogy is that of cults. Whenever the child agrees with, or sympathizes with, or shows devotion to the alienator, then the alienator lavishes them with affection and makes them feel like a million dollars. But if the child ever falters in their devotion, then the alienator responds with the opposite extreme. This is exactly how cult leaders are able to manipulate adults over a period of months. Now imagine a vulnerable child, who has no escape, being conditioned like this their entire life.
The psychopathology underlying parental alienation has been referred to as pathological enmeshment, since the child’s personality is basically subsumed by that of the alienator. It has also been called the gatekeeper phenomenon, since the alienator becomes the gatekeeper of the child’s heart and mind. Whatever the alienator likes, the child reflexively likes; whatever the alienator hates, the child reflexively hates.
All of this happens long before the divorce, long before the actual alienation. And then, at the time of divorce, when the alienator feels rejected by their spouse, and the alienator fears they might lose the undivided devotion of their children, the actual alienation takes place surprisingly quickly. The gatekeeper simply closes the gate.
This is also why the mental health and legal professionals often get parental alienation cases wrong. They cannot imagine why a child would suddenly reject a normal, loving parent. They fail to recognize that what looks like a warm, close relationship between the child and the favored parent is actually a longstanding form of co-dependency. It’s a folie à deux. It’s emotional incest.
“Just listen to my child!” the alienator cries to the court. “They’ll tell you how inferior/abusive the other parent is!” But it is no longer the child who speaks.
Alienated children grow up hating half of who they are. They are prone to a host of psychosocial problems later in life.
This is why Parental Alienation is NOT a child custody issue.
It’s a child PROTECTION issue.
Video and audio of this public hearing was acquired by ABC news.
Full length video available on Speechlessmn channel:
Healthy parents teach their children independence and self-reliance. But alienating parents foster dependency and vulnerability in their children. Alienators need to be needed.
Healthy parents love their children more than they need their children. But alienators need their children more than they love their children. In younger children alienators sow seeds of fear. In older children they sow seeds of hatred. This ensures the child's undivided love.
Healthy parents teach a child that the world is full of imperfect people who sometimes make mistakes and sometimes disappoint us. But alienators teach a child to see the world in black and white; people are either all-good or all-bad. Any real mistakes an "all-bad" person makes become the entirety of who they are.
Alienators are masters of manipulation, and there are two main subtypes.
Alienators with narcissistic traits (mostly men) are control freaks. They see themselves as perfect and anyone who dares to oppose them as inferior. They speak with charisma and conviction.
Alienators with borderline traits (mostly women) are sympathy freaks. They see themselves as victims and anyone who dares to oppose them as abusers. They speak with passion and drama.
Regardless of the subtype, alienators are very convincing. Most people are duped. And by most people I mean friends, family members, teachers, coaches, counselors, custody evaluators, guardians ad litem, and, of course, their own children.
The end result of all this manipulation is that the child aligns themself almost completely with the alienating parent. There are many reasons for this, and comparisons have been made to Stockholm syndrome/trauma bonding, but I believe a better analogy is that of cults. Whenever the child agrees with, or sympathizes with, or shows devotion to the alienator, then the alienator lavishes them with affection and makes them feel like a million dollars. But if the child ever falters in their devotion, then the alienator responds with the opposite extreme. This is exactly how cult leaders are able to manipulate adults over a period of months. Now imagine a vulnerable child, who has no escape, being conditioned like this their entire life.
The psychopathology underlying parental alienation has been referred to as pathological enmeshment, since the child's personality is basically subsumed by that of the alienator. It has also been called the gatekeeper phenomenon, since the alienator becomes the gatekeeper of the child's heart and mind. Whatever the alienator likes, the child reflexively likes; whatever the alienator hates, the child reflexively hates.
All of this happens long before the divorce, long before the actual alienation. And then, at the time of divorce, when the alienator feels rejected by their spouse, and the alienator fears they might lose the undivided devotion of their children, the actual alienation takes place surprisingly quickly. The gatekeeper simply closes the gate.
This is also why the mental health and legal professionals often get parental alienation cases wrong. They cannot imagine why a child would suddenly reject a normal, loving parent. They fail to recognize that what looks like a warm, close relationship between the child and the favored parent is actually a longstanding form of co-dependency. It's a folie à deux. It's emotional incest.
"Just listen to my child!" the alienator cries to the court. "They'll tell you how inferior/abusive the other parent is!" But it is no longer the child who speaks.
Alienated children grow up hating half of who they are. They are prone to a host of psychosocial problems later in life.
This is why Parental Alienation is NOT a child custody issue.
It's a child PROTECTION issue.
nobody helps the dad and this sentence proves how little it matters to the courts where men are sentence twice as much as a women gets for breaking the same law
I am going thru exact same thing as this guy, how can I talk to someone please help me I got a lawyer and everything she took off to the other side of the country and has been hiding it’s been two years now I just want my kid back 😢
I think the sentence should’ve been as long as she had them held captive. That would be the punishment fitting the crime, in my view.
In reverse …. Man… you are sentenced to life without parol
My mom forced me to hang up on my dad when he called when I was 6. I'm 37. I still remember when she made me do it & I can still hear her laugh in my head as im crying my eyes out. My dad passed away when I was 21. I was able to build a relationship with him before he died but I hate my mom for the years she too, him away from me and the lies she spewed about him. And stealing from him for "back child support" while he was on his deathbed.
Justice was not served.
My ex met a man and took off with my kids. Filed a bogus restraining order to award her full custody. I wasn't even allowed to look for them for almost 4 months. I lost 30 pounds and i only weigh 160. I found them, fought for them and got them. I forgave mom but ill never forget.
children's wellbeing is more important than her damaged ego. she should be ashamed of herself. she needs help big time
She is either a narcissist, had BPD, has antisocial personality traits, or all three of those. You are dealing with someone with severe pathology.
I like the creativity in the sentencing but its not enough
I’m still dealing with the aftermath of parental alienation by my ex husband of my daughters. I don’t think there is a worse for of child abuse to rob half of the identity of a child. To steal love and care of a parent from a child. So selfish and evil. I know it happened to my daughters and I by their father for 9 years.
Some women are so riddled with spiteful revenge that rational objectivity is simply lost…
While I feel TERRIBLE for this poor guy and what he went thru, the mouth smacking sounds are too much and I had to stop listening.
My mother did this to me! I wish she had gone to jail!
Now, make believe the violator was the father… how much time would he get?
That evil woman got off light. The damage caused by parental alienation will last those kids a lifetime. As for dad, my heart breaks for him. All that time lost, all that misery. I've worn his shoes.
This is 75% of so called “ dead beat “ dads!
a slap on the wrist for kidnapping and psychological torture and abuse of her children
That journalist should be done for perverting the course of justice she should have gone strait to the police and let them decide if dad needed to know their whereabouts not her unforgivable hope she sleeps well (NOT)
A very rare case, mostly women win even if they trick and lie.
Serves her right. They get away with this way too often. I lost my kids .. and they still think I did bad things to them and didnt love them. Makes me want to throw up each time I think of the damage my ex wife has done to my children and to our once-close loving relationship
"Ok, ma'am, let's see that wrist of yours. I've got my ruler." – Justice System
Let this be a lesson to you, guys. YOU would have been buried under the jail if YOU did this.
WTF kind of sentance is that…?
Judge: ooo that was the most heinous eeeevil crime ever, you terrible person! Now here, have this light slap on the wrist.
Actions speak a lot louder than words and this judge doesn't take parental alienation seriously.
It drives me crazy when these judges get a camera in front of them, and they start to perform like they're on Broadway. More grandstandings they can look like a social justice warrior.
Mom's shouldn't always be the default parent during a divorce or custody time. That journalist is garbage
Women can be very scornful.
This happens far more than you'd believe. The courts give the children to the mother over 90% of the time
She kidnapped those girls and held them for THREE GD YEARS, and she only got a few months in jail. FFS…..if this were a man she'd get a decade
Alienator: an unpleasant person who causes friendly people to become indifferent or unfriendly or hostile. lol in my case sad, angry and penniless.
She deserved to serve at least 20 years vile selfish woman.
It's not her fault. It's built in female dna
This all started in the 1940s in the 1950s due to the women's liberation movement. Feminists were falsely claiming that they were under suppression of their men.
In the Bible it was really easy to convince Eve that she was a victim. The devil lies and people die.
I'm glad he got some justice in the end. That's a rare thing in this "justice" system. Having said that, grown men don't cry in public over anything. I can understand why his crazy ex thought she could, steamroll over him. As to why she got so little time, in comparison to what he would've gotten, had he done this to her, well welcome to the modern justice system. That's how they roll.
Any kid that is held from the dad or mom that parent should go to jail
That reporter should face child welfare charges
The 15 days a year for 15 years is insane
Wow. I thought she'd get more time than that. She kidnapped her kids and kept them from their dad. That reporter ought to be charged with accessory and obstruction. No justice for the dad or the kids.
71% of Children Killed by One Parent are Killed by Their Mothers; 60% of Victims are Boys
No matter what your ex-husband has done to you, you have absolutely no right to decide for your children. As a matter of fact, it's your obligation as a mother to protectect your children from parental conflicts. If you include your children in the conflict, that alone is abuse.
Why is it the “boyfriend” is even in court? NOT HIS BUSINESS
That was way too lenient of a punishment for the mother. She should’ve been sentenced for longer. This is one of many examples of where accountability in the American justice system has gone to shit.
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