Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids with Dr. Laura Markham

This is NVC. Non-Violent Communication, a model created by Dr Marshall Rosenberg. I came across Dr Laura Markham 8 years ago when my girls were 4 and 8. I LOVED what she was saying and KNEW I had found how I wanted to parent BUT in those moments of conflict everything she was saying disappeared from my memory. I couldn’t remember what to do. So I couldn’t implement it. Later I discovered NVC. Again, I loved it. I wanted to use it for my disagreements with my husband but, again, couldn’t remember what to in the moment. Lately, my husband and I have begun each morning reading from one of Marshall Rosenberg’s books each morning and FINALLY it has sunk in. Finally, I can utilise it in the moment. You may find it useful to explore NVC because it gives you four steps to move through to resolve a conflict. Dr Laura demonstrates them but doesn’t give them the names used in NVC. So it’s very hard to access in the moment. The steps are: 1. Observation 2. Feelings 3. Needs 4. Request. I loved this video. Thank you so very much for hosting and posting it. Dr Laura is gold. ❤️

I needed this 😭🫶🏽💫

The absolute best podcast I’ve listened to on my journey so far!

Wonderful podcast.. Great wisdom from Dr. Laura..Thank you for this learnt alot..

This episode was so helpful. One, for me, in remembering to be gentle with myself. I am now a single Mama. The 2 kids see their Dad, but he and I have different parenting styles. I am finally realizing that, instead of worrying/ trying to control how he parents, even just me practicing gentle/respectful parenting will help them. I will be gentle with myself when I have an off moment & will always come back to repair. They are two beautiful little souls, and I am so lucky they chose me for their Mama.🌟💛✨️

10:05 omg yes, I never heard it put that way but it’s so true. When I was younger I acted out SO much, not because I wanted attention, in fact I DID NOT want anything to do with my mom. I felt alone, like I had nobody but myself. I was looking out for me and only me, and I could care less what she wanted of me because she had pushed me so far away at that point.

"It's not a mistake if you learn from it."

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:

00:00 🧒 Children's behavior is guided by setting limits while connecting, not making excuses or being authoritarian.
01:26 🚫 Without setting limits, children don't learn self-discipline or make choices; authoritarian parenting doesn't foster internal discipline.
02:38 📚 Dr. Laura Markham promotes peaceful parenting, emphasizing connection and coaching over punishment and control, aiding parents in raising competent, considerate kids.
10:51 🛌 Parents' low moments often stem from fear or unmet needs; self-compassion, acknowledging mistakes, and self-regulation are vital in parenting.
18:21 🤝 Peaceful parenting involves connecting with and coaching children, creating an environment for their growth, and parents self-regulating to offer support and guidance.
21:37 🧒 Acknowledging a child's feelings helps them express themselves without harm.
22:48 🧠 Acknowledging emotions helps regulate them, reducing harmful expressions.
24:54 🧠 Reactivity in children often stems from how they've been treated.
29:21 📚 Gentle parenting involves guiding children toward appropriate behavior.
38:08 🤝 Discipline involves helping kids prioritize what's important to them.
54:07 🤔 It's important to avoid blaming the older child immediately in conflict situations between siblings; understanding each child's perspective and needs helps navigate such situations.
56:25 🤝 Managing conflicts involves calmly addressing the hurt or upset of the child who's been harmed while creating space for them to express themselves.
58:02 🗣️ Assisting a quieter child in expressing their feelings after an incident helps them develop self-advocacy and confidence in standing up for themselves.
59:25 🤗 Acknowledging a child's feelings, regardless of their expressiveness, fosters their ability to communicate emotions and navigate conflicts positively.
01:01:56 🚫 Avoid immediately blaming or shaming a child in conflict; instead, calmly describe the situation and guide them through the implications of their actions using a non-confrontational tone.
01:02:10 🤔 Acknowledging a child's feelings when they're struggling to stop doing something they want to do can help them open up about why it was difficult to stop.
01:03:36 🤝 Encouraging a child to express their frustrations without blaming them creates a safe space, preventing pent-up emotions from leading to negative behavior.
01:05:00 🤗 Validating a child's emotions, even when addressing an issue, strengthens the parent-child relationship and encourages open communication.
01:06:25 🔄 Redirecting impulses rather than stopping them outright can be more effective in preventing certain behaviors in children.
01:12:39 🤝 Facilitating a repair between siblings involves acknowledging the harm caused, empowering the offending child to contribute to a solution, and validating the resolution.
01:20:56 🤝 Picking sides in sibling conflicts worsens rivalry; not picking sides is crucial to prevent feelings of being unloved.
01:22:18 📚 Parental influence on sibling relationships extends beyond discipline; closeness with each child diminishes rivalry.
01:23:13 🌟 Even in large families, making each child feel seen and loved individually reduces rivalry and fosters connection.
01:24:39 🚫 Saying no with empathy and setting clear routines minimizes conflicts; acknowledging a child's feelings helps them handle emotions better.
01:35:43 💪 Reframing power struggles: Recognizing that it takes two to engage in a power struggle, parents don't have to attend every power struggle they're invited to.
01:40:15 📺 Parents facing disobedience might need to evaluate their approach; standing behind what's said is crucial.
01:41:22 🚫 Shutting off screens requires understanding their addictive nature; offering alternatives improves compliance.
01:43:00 🛑 Implementing "no" effectively involves standing firm yet empathetically, avoiding shame or guilt tactics.
01:44:11 ⚠️ Threats can escalate situations and weaken credibility; follow-through or connection-based approach works better.
01:49:12 ❤️ Tailor parenting approaches to a child's individual needs, acknowledging their unique love languages for effective connection.- 01:40:15 🚫 "If your child ignores 'no,' check if you're standing behind your requests and offering support."
01:41:10 📺 Understand screen addiction; aid in turning off screens by suggesting enjoyable activities after.
01:43:00 🚸 Turning off screens can provoke meltdowns; enforce limits firmly but empathetically, avoiding shaming or punitive measures.
01:44:25 🚫 Avoid habitual use of threats; focus on the tone of 'no' and reinforce it with connection and understanding.
01:49:12 ❤️ Tailor parenting approaches to individual children's needs, respecting their unique "love languages" for effective connection and bonding.

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The America society needs some good reconstruction to how to raise children! Just like going to school is crucial to mental development! We leave out the emotional that parents need to raise their children! What would America look like if all parents pick parent classes and are required as they enrole their children and get a signed certificate! Or use incentives! If parents take parenting classes ! 😊 our mental hospitals are full, and if America had even parenting classes in high school, they would be somewhat equipped ❤ going out in the real world

That’s the reason why I don’t agree to married someone cause age, etc.
Who can keep learning from useful research, corporate with right people and know how to respect individual, etc. are more important.

1:06:49 no means no!!!!!!

Imma let this lady finish but… I’m five minutes in and she has a very “passive aggressive” vibe. That creeps me out. Of course I don’t think yelling and hitting is good, but I wonder if the “smiley” pretend “everything is fine” vibe is equally destructive because it’s dishonest. Maybe better to show that the behavior really does displease you than to lie and deny the truth of your anger and make fake “happy faces”. Seems like a form of gaslighting. Or a way to habituate the idea that emotions such as anger are not okay. Because you deny that you have it and shove it down.

I just know that when I meet people who want to deny their negative feelings and always out on a fake smiley face, that instantly puts me on my guard, I want to scream: “Just be real with me.”

But, I’ll keep listening. I’m trying not to jump to conclusions. Her voice and the fake baby voice that she talks with just ran chills up and down my spine.
.

Amazing wow

I needed this. Thank you!!

Im so ashamed of my parenting. I hope that these videos can change this and help me heal myself and my littles 😢

The question is do she have kids herself?

Thank you for this ❤

I really needed to listen to this! thank you.

I’d love more episodes specifically discussing different scenarios as examples! It was so good to hear how peaceful parenting can actually be applied in day to day life!

Thanks for sharing this valuable content.

This woman is life changing

Let's be honest, it is difficult to have your child at thier full potential when you have abunch of crude war criminals still trying to sell thier left over acts from when they took advantage of the parents health! Really thier not all educators and recycle out of need for themselfs! Honesty isn't easy, it does make way for better science! Ready now? Think about that!