Whether you’re a parent or not, we have a collective responsibility to the next generation to sever the chains of generational trauma and authoritarian parenting. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but we can all strive towards parenting a better future.
The list of artists used is in the outro.
Introduction – 0:00
Pitfalls of Parenting – 1:11
Mindful Models of Parenting – 6:26
Anarchist Alloparenting – 16:19
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Music:
@ForeignManInAForeignLand
Sun (prod. salmon the ghost)
outro music: Cedar Womb by joe zempel
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCuMhK75-tYDMV_7nEExFmg
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3vVDncwsr2d6svvsH8WVYO?si=XCvFfCf5RM–WiCRHTUjgw&dl_branch=1
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Sources & Resources:
Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff
Mothers and Others by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy
Civilised to Death by Christopher Ryan
Anarchist Pedagogies by Robert H. Haworth
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this SO MUCH!!! My heart has been crying this since I was a young tween
i went to a montesorri school when i was very young; unfortunately it was run by a scientologist, one of the sort who should not be allowed to run anything with power over anyone ever, whether kids or employees (such as my mom, which is how i was able to attend)
I really appreciate this video, often in our Leftist spaces we hardly talk about kids or still harbor negative feelings towards them. It's lovely to see how parenting in this way (or even being in community with them) can help change our apathy towards kids.
If I may, & I will say I am a thin person, but from following & listening to fat activists, I don't think obesity is a thing. That's from the BMI, correct? I understand some people can be disabled by their bodies, but that's true of any other condition or accident. And even then, disability is only a "tragedy" if we don't center disabled people 🌸
monteSSOREEE
My partner and I are helping my grandmother raise my little brother, we have split custody and he goes between us every other week. I talk about this a lot with my therapist, and I’m constantly doing work to make sure I’m able to show up the best I can for my brother. My therapist recently recommended Parenting From the Inside Out and it’s a great book, highly highly suggest a read
Montessori 🤌
I feel so afraid. I've been missing out on much of this wisdom for most of my life. We make it work, but it could work much better. Thank you, Andrew.
Montessori🤌🤌
I went to one of those "montesssoreeeee 🤌" schools during my childhood and early adolescence, it was a ripoff, i ended up learning and accepting conservative middle class white mexican ideology even though it was secular, guess there are better forms of education but i'm not well informed
As always, love that artwork and the message ❤
I love all this but I think it's important to reemphasise the very fact that, we're living in a violent and ablelist world. Parents have a huge responsibility and frankly, everyone SHOULD NOT be parents. That baby is much SAFER, being unborn.
I love this
Hunt Gather Parent is an amazing and eye opening book. Even if you’re not interested in being a parent the book is still an incredible tool for deprogramming yourself and recognizing what western practices/beliefs are really just BS
Thank you for this video Andrew
Yo NO soy acomedido. Le hecho la culpa a mi madre en parte, primero hacía demaciado por mi, después comenzó a querer que hiciera todo por mi cuenta, y se molestaba cuando le decía que no sabía cómo.
Siento que tengo que reaprender mi infancia. No fue mala, pero no muy educativa.
I had a scary thought listening to this. The idea that fascist parenting is "ineffective" depends heavily on the effect you want to have on your kid.
Saying it's "ineffective" side steps a potentially terrifying conversation about what most parents want their kids to be…
Thank you, Andrew! Love the videos; appreciate your insights.
Speaking for myself, I might actually have been amenable to the idea of biological children if I'd been raised with "team parenting" models and without the extreme neoliberal individualism of the 90s in North America, where most of the emotional labour and very hard physical work is downloaded onto the single (most often AFAB) individual. As early as my early teens, though, I looked around and saw that the choice to be a mother was in almost every way equal to choosing to live in indentured servitude. It might pay off with a great family! But I'm also all too aware (especially post-COVID lockdowns and Trump era) that there's a lot of families that just don't speak to each other unless they have to. Too many elderly dumped into nursing homes and left there by the precious children they devoted the best years of their lives to (allegedly). Anyway, thought-provoking video as always, Andrew!
My main question, is how do you then deal with the coercion from company and government
Shout out Keith Haring👌🏾
Keith Haring would be SO PROUD to have his artwork associated with your artwork! Great taste in your art picks.
It's good to know even in Puritan times, there were people amongst the Puritans who saw child beating as cruel.
I love your videos and this one was really excellent but please let me ask you not to mock southern Italian accents.
"Montessori" Meme for the Win LOL! XD
no mention of the Sudbury Model?
As a teacher and a new parent, thanks for putting this video together. It's put words to a lot of things I've felt and seen at work and home. I get a lot of confusion from colleagues when I approach teaching using I guess would be closest to gentle parenting, I've been called too soft or a push over. I've always said that "kids don't do what you say, they do what you do", so if I want kids to listen and show respect, I have to do the same, if I don't want kids to shout and scream in anger, I can't shout at the kids in my class. If I want them to be quiet, patient, respectful and kind, I have to show them what that looks like first, in the same way were expected to demonstrate reading and writing.
So how many kids have you successfully parented?
you people seem to like "anarchy" in parenting and society, but anarchy means no control. in an anarchist society, people murder, loot and pillage entire towns without a state to protect anyone. people lives in poverty with no welfare programs to help anyone. these are A FEW disadvantages, I could go on forever about this.
Montessori! 😂
I'm unsure whether rewarding and/or punishing is wrong, but I certainly believe, that the behavior of children should not be left to their own, but be guided by the parent.
Letting children act the exact way they naturally want to comes down to the mentioned nature fallacy. If children like to run around and across roads, they will get hit by a car. If they like to eat the food of the other children, well, they still shouldn't. It's the responsibility of the parent to teach these boundaries to preserve the physical and mental health of both their children and other participants of society.
Maybe punishment is not the best way to teach these, but making the kids understand these boundaries through stories, sitting down teaching them with care and attention, and by showing our appreciation of their proper behavior – nevertheless, I don't like the modern "the kid knows best" perspective.
I parent as a praxis of ideological critique and the stewardship of agential subjectivity.
Very important topic, also super frustrating. I'm no parent myself but been involved in the raising of my younger brothers and sisters, I live at constant anger at the school system which uses the threat of expulsion and failing grades, and the disruption that such things bring to the dynamics of small families, to blackmail parents into using violent shortcuts to change the children's behavior, there is also the widespread fearmongering telling parents to not let kids go outside the house and, most frustrating to me and my relatives that eventually became adults too, the individualized legal, economic and cultural expectations that give parents an exclusivity status that can become anything between a nuisance and a serious source of intrafamiliar tension when there are disagreements on how children should be treated.
By the way, my parents attempted to push into me the teachings of being "acomedido" and god I used to hate that concept soo much. All i saw was how such attitude serves to hide hierarchical inequalities, and it's taxing when you happen to be bad at reading the room. But the issue of course is hierarchy and not to be acomedido, sadly I overreacted to this in my youth and now I have to actively fight my reflexes and biases to be helpful [uncomfortable laugh].
i love the way you say montesori!
I started watching this with high doubts but I leave with the usual shading away of ignorance I get after watching your videos. Keep it man. Your channel is def working.
In ed circles, there's increasing attention given to the field of "child studies" which, like gender studies, queer studies, disability studies, African American studies, etc. asks the question "How is this cultural category [child] socially constructed, and what happens when we center the humanity, voices, and lived experiences of folks marginalized by that category system?"
What happens when we look at children as a marginalized and oppressed category of human who is subject to abuse, misrepresented in visual culture through gross stereotype, and excluded from community decision making? What happens when we stop looking at them as proto-humans or pseudo-humans?
Ponderful's video on Gender Criticals and Autism is a perfect complement to this one. It dives REALLY deeply on how trans-exclusionary feminists tend to portray autism.
This is gross puritans are the worst people on earth
Fuck the nuclear family.
When I started a family I was very isolated and it eventually broke me. I reached out for help from the community to no avail. All the other mother's were also too busy with their own children and it cost too much to hire help. I was becoming both neglectful and abusive toward my children. I absolutely did not want this but I was so depressed and detached. It was like I was on the outside looking in. Their father helped as best he could but has a job that kept him away from home about 80% of the time. About two years ago I took action and left. It hurt but they deserved better. They are now being raised in a multi-family multi-generational household on their father's side of the family. While it's not totally free of some "carrot and stick" style discipline, I know they a benefiting from a more communal upbringing. I do still play a part in their lives and I am much happier knowing they will turn out much better than if I had endured alone.
MoNtEsOry method cracked me up everytime
Aloparents. I love that word now!
Finally subscribed.
love the over exaggerated pronunciation Montessori lolol
Y’know it’s fascinating to watch your videos and hear your perspective. As a child of a Soviet refugee I have always had a very strange outlook on things, and it’s always amazing to hear others opinions, even if I don’t agree with them!
Thank you! You've summarized precisely the sort of parenting and community style I am striving for.
As a stranded anarchist raising a child alone for 14 years while also having faced many years of extreme poverty &violence I can confirm that everything you've said in this video is true. Thank you so much for making this video
I’m very mad that around the 8th “Monte-sooori~” I snort laughed. How dare you sir, I was drinking
I am so grateful that you make videos like this. I feel very isolated from other leftists because I have a child and try to include her whenever appropriate in our lives. The narrative of “I hate kids,” is strong where I am and it’s incredibly disheartening. The idea that she’s “my kid” and therefore “my responsibility” dehumanizes her and puts the burden of parenting and all its trappings exclusively on our very tiny immediate family unit. It’s a disservice and it isn’t radical.
Well, this sounds like a good place for a light bit of trauma dumping as I am still trapped under an abusive parent at nearly 28 where I get constantly yelled at for not being able to take care of myself (IE make money) while having any chance of bettering myself stripped away because she doesn't trust me with the basic adult tasks – like always being brutally screamed at for not wanting to drive, but once I finally tried to swallow my fear and start doing so was held back from learning to become comfortable with it over the paranoia of crashing.
Not mention how I'm just effectively a slave to said parent as I'm expected to be ready to make any service call she makes from across the house like any drink request or bringing her a bag of chips from the pantry even if she's closer to it and I will be scolded, if not threatened if I hadn't heard her for any reason and 'made' her shout.
So, yeah, I've thought a lot about why abusive parents are the way they are over the past few years as well as why my every attempt to escape it fails before I can even make a step towards them and the answer I come to for both time and time again is capitalist isolation to control the working class and keep the 'undesirables' out of society and the imperialist self-destruction of white culture and community to give a false sense of superiority to those white people who can afford superficial replacements.
Because it's not really the abuse that keeps me trapped day in and out in this lonely house – it's living in the car-centric suburban area where, if you don't own and/or can drive, you're just stuck where you are. And you can't get and maintain a car unless you have a job to pay for it and you can't get and keep a job unless you are deemed a usable tool for it, which my autistic and pro-union ass will never be. And even if you do, there's really not anywhere to go besides work/school, home, and distant big box shopping complexes. No places to really socialize here (lets not get into the dehumanizing horror of schools here).
And this helps enforce cycles of abuse because this isolation forces parents to bear the stress of only being allowed to live to care for dependents that are not truly considered people in wider society. And, if they've never had positive examples of parenting in their own lives, they can succumb to either losing sight of their own existence and start living only for the grind and become a neglectful parent (a fate that's befallen my father as he's been forced to put up with both spousal and workplace) or become increasingly narcissistic and stop seeing those around them as people while demanding unlimited compensation for doing the bare minimum to keep them from being arrested. Not to mention internalizing the contradictions of the capitalist system and whatever individual personality traits and undiagnosed mental illnesses they bring into the picture.
To actually tie this into this video, while encouraging these types of parenting methods is a great first step, we also need a radical reclamation of community and living space and for White People to stop pretending that the self-serving systems that they champion aren't as damaging to us as they are to the people they want to get rid of with them if its to actually stick.
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Sorry, just really went off here. It's a topic I've obviously got a lot of hard feelings on and I really don't have any outlets for it.
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