Chryssie Swarbrick’s cafe, Two Franks, is located in Coburg, Victoria. Source: SmartCompany
Just this morning, on what was supposed to be my day off from the coffee shop, I received a message from one of my team members.
“Hi, we are having problems with the grinder.“
Standing in my kitchen, I looked up: My 5-year-old was still in his pajamas, my 7-year-old had just settled in for breakfast, and my husband was out the door for his morning gym class.
After troubleshooting remotely, the only thing left to do was quickly pop into the store and see if I could fix the grinder – our doors were a minute away from opening and I knew we’d already have customers waiting for their morning caffeine fix.
I put some shoes on my preschooler, who was dressed in her sleepwear, while I ordered lunch for my 8-year-old on the school app. Before I knew it, we were on our way, eating breakfast out of a tupperware in the car.
With all the patience two toddlers can muster, they waited for me to fix the grinder and finish adjusting the coffee machine (rewarded with a couple of mom-guilty hot chocolates on the way out the door).
The regular customers who heard me use my fatherly voice to scold them for running around the store tried to hide their laughter.
By some miracle, the coffee started flowing and I managed to get both children to daycare and school on time.
Is this what we mean? When we talk about work-life balance?
For me, as a working parent, rather than achieving a sense of balance between these two facets of my identity, the tug-of-war is more like a pendulum, constantly shifting and swinging between the two.
Some days I’m a great mother and a terrible businesswoman. Other days, it’s the other way around.
We recently had a tough few weeks with staff shortages due to staff holidays and illness, and I was in my shop almost non-stop for three weeks. I left home before my children were awake and most days the first time I saw them was when they were picked up from school. I was exhausted, impatient and fell asleep by 8.30pm. Both quality and quantity time were almost non-existent.
However, moments like that are not the norm. You just have to get through it. There will be lazy Sundays and the rush to get breakfast at home in the morning and the hunt for socks for school most days.
On days when that’s not the case, I have to hope my kids get some value from watching their mother work. Building a businessgetting up before dawn, learning new skills and coming home with new stories to share at the dinner table.
Maybe it’s because my mother was a schoolteacher and I saw her work hard. She went back to work when I was six weeks old. I went to daycare, then I had to wait before and after school for her to work, and then I had to stay on my own until I was 11.
Despite the many hours she had to spend at work instead of with me, I never doubted the affection and love my mother had for me. That’s just how things were. And I hope my children feel the same way about me.
What is the lesson to be learned from all this? I don’t have any guidelines on how to achieve an idealistic and balanced distribution of energy between work and home.
I’ll just say this: you’re always doing the best you can. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
But, if you can and your job allows it, here’s what I do to try to feel more in control of how my time and energy is spent:
I try to reserve one day a week to spend time with my family.
We’ll all be together at home for breakfast and plan a morning adventure – it could be a bike ride around town, a visit to the museum or just eating fish and chips on the beach. Something we can do together and happily.
I try to be there for the big (and small) things
I can’t attend every school meeting, but if my son’s class has to do a presentation, I do my best to find the time. I’m on my youngest son’s kindergarten committee. I organized my schedule to be present at every soccer game and worked until the last minute of his presentation day, covered in coffee grounds and spilled milk, but I was there to see him receive his trophy.
I try to save some time for myself.
As the saying goes, you can’t fill an empty cup, and this is true for both a manager and a parent. I know myself: without time to decompress and recharge, I am of no use to either my family or my business.
Think about what helps you regain that sense of calm after all the stress: a walk in the evening, a coffee alone somewhere. Sometimes before it’s time to pick up the kids, when they’re at daycare or nursery, I’ll take an extra half hour and walk around my quiet, empty house, preparing myself for the non-stop rollercoaster ride that awaits me until bedtime.
Inevitably, no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to feel like you have everything under control. That’s life, and both work and kids will constantly throw curveballs at you if you ever get too comfortable.
So just breathe, do the best you can, and remember that this isn’t forever. One day, the kids will grow up and The work will have all the focus I wish it could be like that now, but even then, when life feels calm and under control, I’m sure you’ll miss those chaotic mornings and spontaneous Tupperware breakfasts in the car.
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