Families, almost from the beginning, face forces that could tear them apart. When a family begins to mature, it is difficult to face that possible loss of connection, that feeling that something is changing.

And it makes communication even more important.

“This idea of ​​feeling connected becomes very empowering for all of us and contributes to happiness, contributes to mental health and also physical health,” says John Northman, a psychologist in Buffalo, New York.

“It is well known that when people feel better connected, better physically, they are certainly less likely to feel depressed, or if they do, they are in a better position to emerge from depression.

“Overall, this leads to a feeling of a greater degree of support and psychological connection,” he said.

Research on the importance of communication in families is solid and varied.

In it Family communication manual, writes editor Anita Vangelisti, a professor at the University of Texas: “Communication is what creates families. When family members communicate, they do more than send messages to each other: they represent their relationships.”

An article in the magazine. military medicine says that communication can affect both ways in families. He says deployed soldiers can get a big dose of positivity from talking to people back home, but in some cases, that contact can have a negative impact.

It all comes down to this: Good family communication is important because families are the ones we turn to most often for support, Vangelisti says. If families don’t communicate, support systems can fall apart.

Help for family members can take many different forms, Vangelisti says, including:

emotional support: “Making us feel better, sharing happy moments together,” he says.

Esteem Support: “Make us feel good about ourselves, validate us when we are doing well, help us when we are not doing so well.”

Network support: “That sense of belonging. That is very important with families, so you have a kind of base, a place where you feel accepted and belong, no matter what happens.”

Information support: How to do things that perhaps others did in another familiar environment.

Tangible support: Things like financial support and care packages from home.

Once you know it’s important for your family to communicate, you’ll need to figure out how. Even now, when everyone has a mobile phone on hand, keeping the connection smooth can be difficult.

Has it been a while since you heard from a family member? Can’t find time to call home again? Emails are wonderful tools… except when they aren’t.

“Emails are notorious for creating misunderstandings, because of the speed and thoughtlessness with which people generate them,” says Arthur Bodin, a psychologist and former president of the American Psychological Association.

They can be easily misinterpreted because the tone is often missing.

“This creates emotional miscommunication,” Bodin says.

Likewise, text messages or tweets (even phone calls) may lack the signals that only a visual connection provides. Anyone who has used Skype or FaceTime knows that those forms of communication aren’t always the best either.

Still, something is better than nothing, Vangelisti notes.

“I guess what most communications people would emphasize,” he says, “is that it’s not so much the channel but the way that channel is handled.”

With a child absent from school or a parent separated from the family, it is sometimes difficult to determine who takes the first step in communication.

“If someone doesn’t take that risk and come forward,” Vangelisti says, “that’s not going to happen.”

Some psychologists warn about the requirement for communication.

“Call me every Friday night” might not only be impossible, but counterproductive for someone trying to find balance in a new situation. Demands don’t work in those situations, Bodin says. Understanding yes.

“First of all, they’re not called every night or at any regular time,” Bodin says, speaking specifically of a parent with a child in college. “You don’t make them feel guilty if they don’t want to call their mother or father.

“You recognize that they have a life of their own. There is no attempt to micromanage them.”

Still, family members who want a connection can find a way.

• Ask, don’t demand, a call or email.
• Send a card or a short email.
• Leave a message or send a text without the demand or expectation of receiving one in return.

Each speech or letter does not have to be profound either. You can talk about dogs, the weather or your health, the neighbors who lived next door or the new ones. Talking about the last crazy thing Aunt Edna said could help strengthen your connection.

“A lot of times people want these conversations to be deep, meaningful and impactful,” Vangelisti says. “Allowing them to be boring and routine, I think is another thing we forget.

“All those boring things, those are actually the things our relationships and our lives are made of. “Allowing them to be part of our remote conversations allows us to stay in touch in a really important way.”

Psychologist David Olson devised something called the Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems to help examine and treat families.

It breaks down three aspects of marriage and family systems:

• Union
• Flexibility
• Communication

It suggests that these things are crucial to successful family communication:

• listening skills
• Speaking skills
• Self-disclosure
• Clarity
• Continuity monitoring
• Respect and consideration

Psychologists talk about “families of orientation” and “families of procreation.” In other words, the family you were born into and the family you create.

Communication plays an important role in keeping you both intact due to the stress of the transition.

“Your physical well-being will already be somewhat at risk under stress. Your body is in a state of stress,” says Vangelisti. “So having that communication and that relationship can be really important. “We just underestimated him.”

The good news is that families, even those in transition, have a big advantage: the ability to stay connected.

They are family.

“You have a lot of history and you have those family ties that have been there since [childhood]Northman says. “Despite… should we say ‘setbacks’? — that occur along the way, in adolescence and adulthood, you have those ties that maintain the connection. “That’s where families can be particularly strong.”