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I wonder if the Beckhams suffer from those wrinkled, prune-like toes that form when bathing in salt water. How does Kevin Costner make his white shorts shine so brightly? What if Beyoncé experiences that unique discomfort that develops from sitting in wet bikini bottoms for too long?
These are just some of the questions I ask myself as I admire the 0.1 percent of the population who travel aboard their boats every summer. For many, the season begins with the increasing daylight hours or the start of school holidays. For me, the beginning of summer is marked by the first paparazzi images of actor and climate activist Leonardo DiCaprio sailing in the sunshine.
No one enjoys and lives summer on a superyacht quite like DiCaprio: the normally reclusive 49-year-old seems to come alive the moment he steps on deck. In an era of a typically slow news cycle, I’m endlessly entertained by DiCaprio’s life of leisure, whose main diversions include frolicking through the waves astride a jet ski (no carbon footprint there, eh, Leo?) and keeping close to whatever supermodel happens to be around. rear He has deigned to be a squire this year.
His current lover appears to be brown-haired Italian model Vittoria Ceretti (check it out, guys), who, at 26, is believed to be the first girlfriend he’s ever been with beyond the age of twenty-five. I don’t envy DiCaprio his instincts. He represents the person (like a young Jack Nicholson) we all aspire to be. He satisfies every little appetite and embodies the essential credo of not appearing to have a single care in the world. The petty vanities of six-pack abs or a full-body tan aren’t for him: he just wants to let it all hang out, unleash his inner five-year-old and dive blithely into the sea.
This summer, DiCaprio has been vacationing aboard the yacht Koru with Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez, to whom Bezos got engaged last year. The world’s second-richest man has allowed DiCaprio to take a break, as he is one of a handful of celebrities who have been caught in Bezos’ orbit. Singer Katy Perry and her little boy Legolas Orlando Bloom have formed the unlikely sextuplet that was spotted floating off Sardinia last week.
The Koru took four years to build, at an estimated cost of $500 million. It’s just one of the assets Bezos has acquired post-divorce (along with famous acquaintances and a fierce bicep) following his split from MacKenzie Scott in 2019. The 420-foot-long schooner is said to be a tribute to his new lady love, with a busty figurehead on the bow who bears a striking resemblance to Sanchez. As with his American Vogue photo shoot and his too-tight cream pants, Bezos’s middle-aged era takes on a new cliché every month.
But whatever, every billionaire should have a big boat – that’s what it means to be a billionaire. Bernard Arnault’s Symphony features Zuretti interiors, a cinema room and a grand piano, while the Octopus, built for Microsoft’s Paul Allen, has a large swimming pool, a hangar for two helicopters and two helipads. Big yachts are, as the FT’s unofficial boat correspondent Brendan Greeley noted, “a terrible asset”. And yet they remain an almost irresistible luxury for the super-rich. After all, what better way to flaunt your superpower credentials than to gather flocks of famous people, have them strip and hold them captive for your sport?
Sadly, the charms of superyachts are lost on me: I see them only as prisons at sea. The idea of being moored for days with only a few acquaintances (and wearing a bikini, for God’s sake) strikes me as one of the most dreadful ways to spend free time. And that’s not even counting the persistent nausea of floating, the lingering threat of drowning or getting hit in the head. All those bloody ropes, all that tacking and jibing. And while, yes, I know that superyachts aren’t really boats like I might recognise, there’s no escaping the fact that, you know, everything is pretty wet.
Add to that the fancy cocktail parties, the endless strutting, and the dilemma of how to wear a cocktail dress while wearing boat shoes or, worse, bare feet. I hope Bezos keeps a podiatrist on board the Koru: DiCaprio may be scruffy, but he’s by no means a gnarly guy, and I need to know someone’s looking out for his toes.
I don’t envy these people on their superyacht adventure – looking at Bezos’ land excursions I don’t feel a shred of jealousy. I’m just delighted that he’s paid for more DiCaprio content. “King of the world” forever – our prince of the seas on holiday.
Email Jo at jo.ellison@ft.com
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