The pressure to be hot never ends, just ask Martha Stewart

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In 2007, at the age of 81, a button-down, gray-haired Queen Elizabeth appeared alongside supermodels Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell in Vogue’s glamor list. The fashion magazine praised her for being “just as glamorous in her brogues and headscarf. . . since she wears the crown jewels”. This week another 81-year-old man was featured in a glossy magazine when Martha Stewartthe national influencer, became the oldest star to appear on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition Buttercup highlights frame a youthful face, with hints of cleavage and leg under a frothy orange drape.

It took some preparation. “I didn’t starve,” she said. saying. “But I didn’t eat bread or pasta for a couple of [of] months.’ While he maintains that she hasn’t been under the knife, she did admit to having treatment by two dermatologists and an odd twinge of fillers here and there.

When I read this, my own face sank with fatigue. Women used to be able to give in to middle age, but now high beauty standards haunt the aging process. Should I reach for the mascara on my deathbed to divert attention from my bleary eyes?

The difficulties of female aging have been publicized in recent years by celebrity menopause cheerleaders, most notably Davina McCall, who this week won book of the year at the British Book Awards for menopause. Celebrity accounts of menopausal experiences, from actress Naomi Watts to broadcaster Mariella Frostrup, have helped create what Deborah Jermyn, a film studies reader at the University of Roehampton, has called a “menopausal turn” that forges an “unprecedented period of pronounced conversation and public cultural promotion.”

Middle-aged women are everywhere today and they demand attention. In 2016, the disparity in what aging looks like for men and women was the topic of the Sketch in which comedians Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tina Fey, Patricia Arquette and Amy Schumer celebrate Louis-Dreyfus’ “last day of fuckability” when he was just 45 years old.

Seven years later, there are signs of a change. In the Kenneth Branagh film, BelfastJudi Dench was paired with Ciarán Hinds, more than 15 years her junior and in Tammy Faye’s eyes, Jessica Chastain (46) was married to Andrew Garfield (39). Earlier in the year, Sarah Lancashire (now 58) wowed British viewers by playing Catherine Cawood in happy valley.

We’ve come a long way baby. In the 1967 film, The graduate, Anne Bancroft played Mrs. Robinson, the older married woman who has an affair with 21-year-old Benjamin, played by Dustin Hoffman. Bancroft was just 35, Hoffman 29.

Menopausal cheerleaders have helped break those taboos. So much so that my inbox is now full of employers eager to highlight the help they provide to women at work. Do I want to discuss it? No, I am fine Thank you. I’m fed up with that.

If this sounds excessively harsh, I applaud the fact that women are no longer suffering in silence. The conversation has helped women understand the impact of declining hormones on their bodies and moods and encouraged them to seek help. It has forced governments, doctors and researchers to address the gap in disposition.

An unfortunate byproduct of all this, however, has been a booming menos industry for everything from menos moisturizers to pricey wellness retreats. One hotel offers a six day retreat to “feel happier with yourself”. Yours for £3,300. Because women should never stop working on themselves, it seems.

This is why seeing Martha Stewart’s immaculate cover made my heart and cheeks sink. But then I thought about how much fun he seemed to be having. She said of the shoot, “My motto has always been: ‘when you’re done changing, you’re done’.” What could be a clearer sign of transformation than white collar criminal to cover star?

emma.jacobs@ft.com