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In this video we’re talking about toddler tantrums. Particularly some popular advice in regards to how to manage a toddler tantrum or meltdown. We’ll look at the brain science behind why this advice doesn’t work.
Plus, you’ll learn why these tantrums happen, and why it’s really not your toddler’s fault!
I hope this one helps you manage those big emotions that often make toddlerhood a challenge.
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So reassuring. I’ve been doing this just because I wasn’t sure what else to do when our little one loses her sh*t. It definitely seems to help her(and me) when I calmly hold her or stay close while she has her moment.
My son is almost 2 years and he gets upset when ever he sees a new people and he cries and runs away and hits his head on the wall and he is my fourth child and all my children were not like that when they were little and it made me think what’s wrong with him and he doesn’t come down until the new people disappear and after they left sometimes he will still be upset does anyone knows he kids like him what to do with him
Society-saving information should not be blocked by a paywall……. (Not a direct knock on her, because I'm in college, a different paywall, learning this same information….
I just feel so angry that the information and tools that could literally REVOLUTIONIZE our country in terms of physical and mental/emotional health, as well as social and intellectual development are inaccessible for the VAST MAJORITY of the people who urgently need it and would use it… it's left to those few who are willing to pay for it, and can't get it out to the far-reaches.
Knowledge like this should be broadcast for free into every person and family in the world, as much as it were possible. Much of it also allows for self-healing practices; something we definitely need, and many ache for.
It makes me want to cry. What happened to me and what I was taught was just to spank when my children have a meltdown. My mom says to, “nip it in the butt.”but as an adult I have such a hard time regulating my own emotions and I didn’t have the best relationship with my mom for years. I really don’t want to do that to my children 😞 generational curses are hard to break ya’ll.
New parent here! I think that’s not how this technique works though…aren’t you supposed to help the kid process their feelings in the moment? Not “I see you’re upset” but “you are angry/sad/scared because so and so, right?” and I’ve seen how kids respond well to this. In the long run the emotional rollercoasters wrap up quicker because the child better understands what emotions are arising in them. The parent actually needs to be able to recognise the emotion, which makes it so difficult to use in a heated moment (or when you don’t know how to navigate these emotions yourself).
I think people often misunderstand the importance of setting and developmental/age level. As a kindergarten teacher I can tell you the "take time to cry and then we will talk" approach is very useful. Its more of a classroom management tool though. If I stop everything to comfort a petulant child, I am teaching them that crying is a good strategy to gain my attention and that they are more important than the group. I also have to draw a line between the role of myself and their parents, or they will view me as a source of personal comfort instead of an authority figure.
I noticed that breathing technics work well on children who are willing to be held when upset. You hold them, and you breath: double inhale and a looong exhale. You calm down and the child mirrors you. I noticed my doghter starts breathing the same way and naturally stops crying. No words needed. If they don't want to be touched, this technique doesn't work.
Really informative and helpful! Thank you!
Hey ♥ – I know your work worth every penny for those whom can access it, but… I am from Brazil and the dollar folds almost 6 times, could you provide a discount for Brazilian costumers?
i might be mis understanding what your saying
so if the child is acting agressive and violent we dont try and stop that behavior we instead allow it to continue?
does this not send the message this behavior is acceptable and tollerated?
at what point do we try to correct this?
i mean when there 30 we definatly cannot have them breaking things screaming throwing themselves around and punching walls when there angry
would it not be wiser to correct this behavior right away to limit the time between negative behavior and correction?
i get what your saying about how you just cant reason with them when there upset but by the time they are calm they have become disassociated with there former behavior so you trying to explain that thats not ok is almost meaningless
its like me saying how you acted last summer at the party is not acceptable you probably dont remember what happened or you remember your version of events so telling you that is meaningless youve forgotten so unless i give you a detailed account your lost for any idea how to correct it your also lacking context of how you felt emotionally or the factors that lead to that behavior that allows you to identify that situation next time to intervene before you reach melting point
so sureley if the kid is being agressive youd be better to deal with that immidiatly
also avoiding saying there feelings are not ok thats not what thats about there feelings are fine but its not there feelings most take issue with its how they choose to manifest those feelings
if the kids upset and wants to have a cry and mope a little thats fine give them space we all need to vent
but if the kids screaming and crying at you as a weapon to illicit a reaction or worse yet expressive those emotions through agressive hurtfull and violent means no the issue is not the emotions its the behavior the behavior needs to stop
sad upset angry compleatly fine
manifesting those feelings by trashing the room or crying till i give you what you want are not ok
Ending the tantrum as fast as possible is NOT the goal.
Thank you 🙏
Not only for children but also parents married couples to be exact lol I love these very helpful video for the whole family. Thank you
Raised in the late 90’s – early 00’s in Eastern European slavic household… what would ease my tantrum is one side eye from my mom or “i’ll give you a reason to cry” and I sat my bum down 😂 but i guess they dont do this anymore.
I always do this at my job at a daycare and it works the best! They know that when they are sad that they can come to me and after they are calmed down I can talk to them and explain stuff. Sometimes my colleagues try to talk to the child in the middel of the tantrum and most of the times the child gets more angry of frustrated from it
What if they hit you?
How do I implement this on a 30 year old? 😢
I hate how most parents these days just treat their kids with silk gloves… always talking about emotions, saving everything is fine, never putting their foot down to properly correct a child…
Saying nothing is often more powerfully supportive than attempting to rationalize with a small child. Small children communicate with their caregivers in many other ways besides verbally, being physically present and offering comforting touch (if it is welcome) as well as space to express rage safely will accomplish so much more. You can’t talk a baby down, I don’t know why anyone would think that’s possible. But the time kids are old enough to understand, tantrums are not generally an issue any longer.
Me a female in my 30s: I would LOVE if someone told me "I can see you're upset, I understand you're upset your brother took your toys" 😅😂
Also do NOT take the advice of authors or pastors who tell you crying is a sign of rebellion that calls for spanking.
After all it is pretty logical. What would you want your parents to do if you had a tantrum?
Not judge you, give you some time to let off steam and give you a hug of support after it is over.
Anyone who has taken a semester of Psych101 could tell you that when you focus on something, it become more pronounced. That’s why we normally don’t “feel” wearing clothes until we attend to it
"I'm going to rationally explain to a 3 year old why…"
-idiots on reddit
My 21 month old has multiple hissy fits per day and on occasion these will evolve into a full blown meltdown. The analogy that works for me is that my boy is a tiny vessel in a stormy sea of emotion and I’m his lighthouse. Lighthouses work great in calm waters but they’re most needed when the sea is at its most tumultuous. Leaving my son during a tantrum feels tantamount to a lighthouse turning off their light during a storm. I’ll either hold him or sit close by so he knows I’m there, I love him and I’m here for him. For me, it’s not about avoiding tantrums but helping him recover quickly and get on with having fun safe in the knowledge he never lost me or my affections for even a second.
So It doesn't work*
* As a magic phrase, it's just the start, am I getting that correctly?
I never used this words to work. But to give the child words for the feeling they have. Children are no robots that "work". But the thing is, that one day, they will be able to talk about their emotions, because someone thaugth them which emotion is what. I for my part was 22, when someone reflected on me, that i showed envy. It was such a huge learning step for me. And right now with 31 i'm learning what shame feels right. Noone talked to me about my feelings back then. I want to help my child for the better. I won't want them to stop their feelings imidiatly. Feelings have to be felt.
Part of the problem is this line would work before the tantrum begins. You see kids showing signs they aren't happy and its not until they go into full on tantrum mode do the parents pay attention.
Even then they just want the tantrum to stop rather than help them.
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