There’s no better place to spend the holidays than home. And that’s not necessarily a good thing.
In the wake of the very contentious and divisive 2024 presidential election, the upcoming Thanksgiving celebrations and the start of the winter holiday season could be a blessing for some – a respite from the events of the larger world while gathering family and loved ones. Hours and even days spent with people who have played the biggest role in our lives. Another chapter in a life full of memories.
That’s one scenario.
For others, this period – particularly given the polarizing presidential campaign – is something that frightens them. There is a risk of disagreements, harsh words, hurt feelings and loud voices.
Those who study people and their relationships with one another in an increasingly complex 21st century say that there are choices people can make in potentially tense personal situations – things to do and things to avoid – that are important to them and their… Families could help We get through this time with a minimum of open conflict and have a chance of even getting to the point of the holidays.
Be honest about where you stand with all of this
For those who care about the outcome of the election and know that the people they would spend the holidays with feel just as strongly the other way, take the time to honestly assess whether you are ready Spending time together at THIS moment a few weeks after Election Day — and a time when feelings are still running high.
The answer may be that it isn’t, and that it might be better to take a temporary break, says Justin Jones-Fosu, author of I Respectfully Disagree: How to Have Difficult Conversations in a Divided World.
“You have to assess your own readiness,” he says, “each person will be completely different.”
He emphasizes that this is not a permanent step backwards. “Right now is this moment that we’re talking about because it’s still so fresh. Christmas could be different.”
Don’t miss the bigger picture of what this vacation is all about
Focus on why you chose to do this in the first place, says Jones-Fosu. Maybe it’s because you have a relative there that you don’t see often, or a loved one is getting older, or your kids want to see their cousins. Keeping this reason in mind will help you get through the time better.
Set boundaries
“If you decide to get together but know that politics is still a sensitive topic, set a goal of making the holiday a politics-free zone and stick with it,” says Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University, who, among other things, works on research on family estrangement.
“Will a political conversation change anyone’s mind?” he says. “If there is no way to change someone’s mind, then create a demilitarized zone and don’t talk about it.”
Don’t take the bait
Let’s be honest. Sometimes there is someone who has something to say and will say it, despite every effort and intention to keep the holiday event free of politics and drama.
In this case, don’t get involved, says Tracy Hutchinson, a professor in the graduate program in clinical mental health counseling at the College of William & Mary in Virginia.
“Not taking the hook is one of the most important things and a challenge,” she says. After all, you don’t have to be at every argument you’re invited to.
Think about what will happen after the vacation
If you risk getting caught up in the moment, consider engaging in what Pillemer calls “forward mapping.” It’s about thinking in the medium and long term and not just thinking about the moment – strategy instead of tactics. Maybe imagine looking back at dinner in six months and thinking about the memories you’d like to have.
“Think about how you want to remember this holiday,” he says. “Do you want to remember when your brother and sister-in-law stormed out and went home because you had a two-hour argument?”
Don’t think that you have to be there all the time
Will it be intense? Defuse the situation. Go away. And it doesn’t have to be upset. Sometimes a quiet and peaceful break is exactly what you – and your family – need.
Hutchinson says, “If they start doing something like that, you might say, ‘I have to make that call.’ I have to go to the toilet. I’m going to take a walk around the block.’”
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