Self-Sabotage: How It Holds You Back From Achieving Your Goals
Self-sabotage is a term used to describe when we get in our own way, despite having the best intentions. This often occurs subconsciously, and we may not even realize we are doing it. Self-sabotage can manifest in many different ways, from procrastination to fear of success to trying to do everything alone. Understanding the ways in which you sabotage yourself is the first step towards overcoming these roadblocks and achieving your goals.
Signs You May be Sabotaging Yourself
Procrastination:
Procrastination is a form of self-sabotage. When we continually put things off, we are wearing down our self-esteem and our belief that we can achieve what we set out to do. Often, people will defend their procrastination by arguing that it puts pressure on them to create better things. However, at some point, you run out of time, and even the best ideas cannot be executed.
Trying to Do Everything Alone:
While fostering independence is valuable, it can also prevent you from reaching your relationship and business goals. Human connection is a universal need, and without it, we cannot thrive mentally or physically. Denying yourself this need is a form of self-sabotage.
Fear of Success:
We all want to achieve success, but we may also do things to prevent it from happening. The approach avoidance phenomenon explains that once you get closer to reaching your goal, you start to see all the downsides of reaching that goal, which leads to avoidance behavior.
Tips to Stop Self-Sabotage
Observe and modify your way of thinking: All your thoughts ultimately create your experience. Pay attention to your thoughts about yourself or your situation and the language you use to describe them. Identify patterns that make you susceptible to self-sabotage and work to change your thoughts accordingly.
Embrace a values-based life: To prevent self-sabotage, you need to align your goals with core values that reflect what is meaningful to you. By understanding your values, you can persevere through the fears and worries that self-sabotage can throw at you.
Break your mental patterns: To break the cycle of self-sabotage, engage in a Mental Contrasting and Implementation Intentions (MCII) exercise. This exercise helps you visualize not only the positive outcomes of your goals but also the barriers you might encounter. By identifying these barriers, you can create a plan of attack ahead of time, making you feel more in control.
Additional Piece: Understanding Your Core Values
To prevent self-sabotage, it’s vital to understand what truly matters to you. Core values are the fundamental beliefs that guide your decisions and actions. They reflect who you are at your core and what you stand for. By identifying your values, you can position yourself in a better mental state to reach your goals.
Identifying Core Values:
There are many different ways to identify your core values. Some people reflect on their happiest moments or their most significant accomplishments and identify what was important to them in those moments. Others may consider what they want to be remembered for or what kind of person they want to be.
Examples of Core Values:
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to identifying core values. Different values resonate with different people, and it’s essential to understand what works for you. Some common examples of core values include:
– Integrity: Being honest and true to yourself and others.
– Empathy: Understanding others’ perspectives and feeling compassion towards them.
– Creativity: Expressing yourself through artistic or intellectual means.
– Growth: Continuously learning and improving yourself.
– Independence: Being self-sufficient and able to take care of yourself.
– Freedom: Being free to make your own choices and live life on your terms.
Once you have identified your core values, you can ensure that your goals and aspirations align with them. By doing so, you are less likely to self-sabotage and more likely to achieve the success you desire.
In conclusion, self-sabotage can prevent us from achieving our goals, but with the right tools and mindset, we can overcome it. By understanding our core values, we can position ourselves for success and live life more authentically. Remember, self-sabotage is often subconscious, so it’s essential to be self-aware and mindful of your thoughts and actions. By following these tips, you can break the cycle of self-sabotage and achieve your true potential.
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Here’s a real mental trip: you may be holding yourself back from achieving your goal. goals— without even realizing it.
psychologists Call it “self-sabotage” and it can show up in many sneaky ways, like stopping you from getting a promotion or hindering your efforts to take your business to the next level.
“Self-sabotage is when we get in our own way, despite our best intentions,” explains Dr. Judy Ho, a clinical and forensic neuropsychologist and author of stop self sabotage. “And many times, these processes are kind of subconscious to people.”
But here is some reassuring news. Now that you know self-sabotage exists, you’ll be better equipped to identify where it’s wreaking havoc in your life and how to stop it from sabotaging itself.
In a recent interview at the Write About Now PodcastDr. Ho pointed out several signs that you may be sabotaging yourself.
Related: 10 tips to make 2023 your best and boldest year yet
you procrastinate
All postpone, leaving for tomorrow what could be done right now. There are many reasons for this: fear of failure, perfectionism, depression, TikTok. But you may not realize that procrastination is also a form of self-sabotage.
“Procrastination over time wears down our self-esteem and the belief that we can achieve what we set out to do,” says Dr. Ho.
She says that some people are so stubborn about their procrastination that they will defend it to her, arguing that when they procrastinate, they are putting pressure on themselves to create better things.
“But at some point, you run out of time, so even if you have the most unique ideas, you just can’t execute them,” says Dr. Ho.
You try to do everything yourself
Our culture emphasizes being self-sufficient and not depending on the help of others. But you can’t do it all yourself.
Dr. Ho says that while fostering independence is valuable, it can also be a trap that prevents you from reaching some of your relationship and business goals.
“Human connection is a universal need. We are social beings; without it, we cannot thrive mentally or physically,” she says. “When people say, ‘I’m a loner.’ Most of the time, they say that because they’re trying to avoid getting hurt or disappointed in some way, but denying yourself that universal human need is also a form of self-sabotage.”
you are afraid of success
We all want to achieve a certain level of success, but we also do things to prevent it from happening.
This seems contradictory. Why would we do this? Dr. Ho says evolution is partly to blame. “Your body and mind are always trying to protect you from harm. This is a big part of survival,” he explains. Like our ancestors who feared a saber-tooth tiger, you may fear that a promotion will make your life too difficult to handle.
“So you blow your mind with all these fears and all the bad things that can happen and catastrophize instead of allowing yourself to enjoy the fruits of your labor or think about the positives.”
Psychologists call this the “approach avoidance phenomenon,” which means that once you get closer to reaching a goal, you start to see all the downsides of reaching that goal and do things to avoid it.
How to stop self sabotage
Identifying how you self-sabotage is an essential first step. Dr. Ho offers these practices to help tame the saboteur within him.
Observe and modify your way of thinking.
“It all starts with your thoughts,” says Dr. Ho. She suggests paying attention to her thoughts about you or your situation and the language she uses to describe it.
For example, suppose you are fired from your job. There are two ways to answer this.
Number one: “You can have thoughts where you’re punishing yourself, like, ‘I got found out as the loser that I am. Now I’ll never find another job,’ says Dr. Ho. “If you have these kinds of thoughts, it will lead to to certain kinds of negative feelings.
Alternatively, you may receive the same news and think, “Okay, that sucks, but what can I do to try and make the most of this situation?”
In other words, what you think will be your experience, so “evaluate your thoughts to understand what patterns you’re most susceptible to, and then from there do things to try to change your thoughts,” says Dr. Ho.
Embrace a Values-Based Life
Have you ever felt like you really want to reach a goal, but when you finally do, it’s a little disappointing? This is because the goal is not aligned with your core values, says Dr. Ho.
She defines values as “the ideas, the philosophies, and the ways you want to live your life so that they’re meaningful—how you want to be talked about when you’re not in the room.”
By understanding your values, you are more likely to persevere and then have those fears and worries that self-sabotage throws at you.
Related: Here’s why values are so important in business
Break your mental patterns
When we sabotage ourselves, we often operate in an endless cycle, repeating the same thoughts and behaviors over and over again.
To break this vicious cycle, Dr. Ho recommends doing Mental Contrasting and Implementation Intentions (MCII) exercises. She goes into more detail in her book, but basically, they’re a kind of visualization where you imagine not only the positive outcomes of your goals, but also the pitfalls and barriers you might encounter.
Why submit to such torture?
By imagining the worst, you prepare. “Once you identify those barriers, it’s really helpful because then you can essentially create a plan of attack ahead of time,” Dr. Ho explains. “It’s really powerful because it makes them feel so much more in control. You don’t punish yourself.”
In other words, stop self-sabotaging.
You can listen to the full interview with Dr. Ho here.
https://www.entrepreneur.com/living/3-proven-ways-to-stop-self-sabotaging-your-success/453979
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