Your friendships enrich your life. They are also good for your health. Studies show that people who have good friends and good relationships are healthier, happier, and can live longer. That’s why maintaining your social life can be the perfect complement to your ulcerative colitis careful.

“Whether you have IBD or not, social isolation is unhealthy for humans,” says Marci Reiss, licensed clinical social worker and founder and president of the IBD Support Foundation.

During an outbreak, you may want to hide out at home, but ulcerative colitis doesn’t mean your social life and relationships have to end. Managing your friendships while managing your condition is a balancing act you can learn.

You are close to your friends, so it might be helpful to tell them about your condition. That doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone or that you don’t have to tell them everything.

“Bathroom conversations (diarrhea, urgency) are not easy to share, and no one ever knows how to explain this to people,” Reiss says. Your advice from him? Carefully choose who you tell and exactly what you tell them.

You may feel like telling your friends you have ulcerative colitis is the same as telling them you have chronic diarrhea, but, Reiss says, “people don’t know what you don’t tell them.” You have complete control over how much you choose to share. “You can put on a happy face and say, ‘I have this thing in my stomach that bothers me from time to time and I just don’t feel like going out tonight.’”

With your most trusted friends, you can choose to share more. It could give you the support you need. When Susie Janowski of Pocatello, ID, told her friends about her ulcerative colitis, she received an outpouring of support. “Anything you can do for a person, they did for me,” she said. “It makes you realize you’re not alone.”

If you’re not ready to talk about your condition with your friends, find someone you can share it with. Support groups for ulcerative colitis and IBD are available on social media and in real life. “It’s incredibly therapeutic,” Reiss says. Sometimes group members get so comfortable and enjoy sharing so much, she says, “it’s like a comedy show in our support group.”

Janowski, who describes herself as a “social butterfly,” is co-director of her online support network. “There are a lot of good people in those groups. They are very supportive; They try to help you and share their experiences so you know what to expect with colitis.”

A word of caution about support groups: They must be supported by a health professional. “I’ve heard people in support groups convince others to stop taking medications, start taking them, try this diet instead, definitely have surgery, or definitely not have surgery,” Reiss says. “First-hand experience from someone else who has lived through it is powerful, but it can be damaging.”

Telling your oldest and dearest friend that you have ulcerative colitis is one thing. Sharing that information with a girlfriend’s boyfriend may seem like a very different thing. “If it’s someone you want to get into a relationship with, you’re going to have to tell them, because you need someone who can support you through this,” Reiss says.

It’s probably not the kind of topic you want to talk about on a first date, but you also don’t want to save it until after the engagement.

“It’ll probably be some time after the third date, but well before things get serious,” Reiss says. “There comes a point where it’s a significant enough relationship that you need to share because it’s a big part of your life, but at the same time you’re not so far along in the relationship that the listener feels betrayed that you’ve kept it from them.” something so big.”

Reiss recommends not going into too much detail at first. Share what you need to share at the beginning and answer any questions they have. May offer more details as things progress.

“If someone runs away because they can’t take it, yes, it’s painful,” Reiss says, “but consider it a blessing because that wasn’t the right person for you.”

Once you’ve shared with your friends what you’re dealing with, planning social activities becomes more about logistics and less about trying to blend in. These tips can help:

• Be in control of when you arrive and when you leave. You don’t want to rely on others to take you home if you need to leave quickly.
• Choose places where you know you’ll have a clean, comfortable bathroom if you need it.
• Look for the location of the bathrooms when you arrive.
• Carry disposable wipes with you.
• Ask your doctor about over-the-counter medications, such as antidiarrheals, antigas, or digestive aids, that you can take before any social activities you can’t miss.
• If you can’t go out, but want to see your friends, ask them to come with you.

Ulcerative colitis can make your social life more challenging, but it shouldn’t make it seem impossible. If so, talk to your doctor about how well your treatment is working for you.

As you venture back into the social world, Reiss recommends remembering this: “You are so much more than your illness.”