It’s not unusual to have mixed feelings about your child’s ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) diagnosis. The behaviors that caused it can create stress in your family and social life for quite some time. You may be worried about how your child (and other people) will react to being “labeled,” on top of all her other challenges. Don’t let that stop you from talking to your child about it. Discovering together how your child’s brain works can be a first step in improving her symptoms.

Jen Mackay discovered that her son James had ADHD when he was 6 years old. “[It] “It was a bit of a relief, because we felt like it explained some of the things we were seeing,” he says. She also hoped that the diagnosis would mean they could find the right tools to help James. “He was a constant ‘behavior problem’ in his preschool and transitional kindergarten classes, which was very discouraging for him. In fact, we decided to take him out of public kindergarten because he didn’t want him to think he was bad. In retrospect, he wishes we had been [able] diagnose him and start treating his ADHD sooner.”

This way, finding out that your child has ADHD is a good thing, and you can help them explain it to them by focusing on the positive aspects.

Knowledge is power

Many times, ADHD is hereditary. That means your child didn’t do anything to provoke it, and neither did you. On the other hand, now that you know what you’re up against, you can both do things to help your child be more successful.

“We approached it from the point of view that he has an advantage in knowing the things he needed to work on and that everyone can improve with time and practice,” Mackay says. “He had the best heart and he loved all his friends. He was confusing when they were upset, because he was very impulsive and did things that bothered his friends or didn’t listen to his teacher. We talked about how understanding that certain things would be difficult (like personal space and remembering tasks) can be an advantage, because you can make a conscious effort to learn and improve.”

If medications are part of your child’s treatment plan, you can explain that you will try a new pill that may help your child focus and feel calmer. You can tell them how the medication can make it easier to achieve some of those goals. Today, “[James] “You can clearly tell the difference when you forget your medications and prefer how you feel when you take them,” says Mackay. “When school went remote, she asked to speak to the psychiatrist and request a medication adjustment. I think this shows that she understands the diagnosis and what helps her and that he has come to peace with it.”

Everyone has strengths and challenges

Children with ADHD often face criticism for their behavior in and out of school. So it’s important to balance that with lots of praise when they do things you’d like to see more of. Point it out when your child finishes homework on time or picks up her plate without being asked.

“As [James has] When we’re older, we talk a lot about how everyone has things they’re really good at and things they struggle with,” his mother says. “We talk about facing our struggles and just continuing to learn and grow and do better, and we talk about leveraging our strengths.”

Find out what your child is good at, whether it’s computer coding, finger painting, or knowing the detailed history of every superhero in their favorite universe, and create opportunities for them to practice it and rack up successes. Don’t use that activity as a reward or remove it as a punishment. Your relationship with your child is more important than perfect behavior.

There is always more to learn

When you ask your child to work on skills they need to improve, be willing to do the same yourself. Learn as much as you can about ADHD and how it affects your individual child, as everyone with this condition is different. You can do this by making sure your child receives a thorough evaluation with input from his or her doctor, therapist, and teacher. Training with an ADHD parenting coach can help you learn specific parenting strategies and techniques to use at home that are likely to lead to better behavior.

For example, consistent routines and rewards for certain behaviors can help children with ADHD know what to do and remember to do it. “I build up a lot of habits with James, like making sure that every morning, like clockwork, I eat his applesauce and yogurt and take his medication (premeasured for the week in a pill box),” Mackay says. “Another trick is the ‘show time’ at 5 pm every day. We limit screen time at home, but maybe not as much as some; instead we use the 5 o’clock time [of screen time] as an incentive to finish responsibilities after school. I use that quiet time to prepare a healthy dinner, which we eat together as a family. Even though he is a teenager now, I still give him a lot of incentives to accomplish the things that need to be done.”

Finding out that your child has ADHD means that you now both have a path forward to start improving things. When you have the information to work with your child’s mindset instead of against it, everyone may come out happier and be able to see the diagnosis as a good thing.