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Title: Redefining Success for Children: Beyond Financial Independence and Career Satisfaction
Introduction:
When envisioning our children’s future success, it is natural to focus on financial independence and career satisfaction. However, according to a Pew Research study, success encompasses much more. In a society with diverse strengths and weaknesses, it is unrealistic to have a universal metric of success. Clinical psychologist Lindsey Giller highlights the importance of well-adjusted individuals who can navigate life’s challenges, ask for help when needed, and step out of their comfort zones. Aja Chavez, an executive director for youth services, emphasizes the significance of inner strength and the role of parents in building a solid sense of self.
1. Shifting the Perspective on Praise:
Praising actions rather than character is a crucial aspect of helping children cultivate intrinsic motivation. Instead of general character praise, parents should provide specific feedback on observed behavior. For instance, saying “You must be so proud of yourself!” reinforces the child’s personal satisfaction rather than relying solely on external validation.
2. Developing Intuition and Decision-Making Skills:
When children come to their parents with problems, it is essential to allow them to tap into their intuition instead of immediately suggesting solutions. By helping them listen to their inner voice, parents enable children to rely on their own senses and make wise choices. Utilizing question prompts like “How can I be helpful in this situation?” and “Do you need my advice?” encourages self-reflection and decision-making skills.
3. Encouraging Responsibility Through Chores:
Assigning household chores not only benefits parents but also fosters well-being in children. A longitudinal study at Harvard showed that children who perform chores are more successful in adulthood in terms of self-competence, prosocial behavior, and self-efficacy. By teaching children how to complete tasks, practicing together, and establishing realistic schedules, parents instill personal responsibility and a sense of community.
4. Celebrating Individual Stepping Stones:
Comparing children’s milestones and achievements with others can create unnecessary pressure. Each child has their own unique journey, and acknowledging their individual progress is crucial. By focusing on the child’s personal achievements and celebrating even small victories, parents can help build their self-esteem and reinforce their sense of accomplishment.
5. Modeling Emotional Regulation:
To raise well-adjusted children, parents must also take care of their emotional well-being. Children learn by observing their parents’ behavior, so it is essential for parents to work on their own emotional regulation. By naming and expressing their emotions in high-stress situations, parents teach their children the importance of self-awareness and assessment before immediate response.
Conclusion:
Redefining success for children goes beyond financial independence and career satisfaction. It involves nurturing well-adjusted individuals who can handle life’s challenges, make wise decisions, take responsibility, celebrate personal milestones, and regulate their emotions. Parents play a vital role in cultivating these qualities by praising actions, fostering intuition, encouraging responsibility through chores, focusing on individual achievements, and modeling emotional regulation. By embracing this broader definition of success, parents can equip their children with the necessary skills and mindset to thrive in an increasingly diverse and complex world.
Summary:
According to a Pew Research study, success for children goes beyond financial independence and career satisfaction. Clinical psychologist Lindsey Giller emphasizes the importance of well-adjusted individuals who can handle life’s challenges and step out of their comfort zones. Aja Chavez, an executive director for youth services, stresses the significance of inner strength and building a solid sense of self. This article explores five ways parents can redefine success for their children, including praising actions instead of character, fostering intuition and decision-making skills, encouraging responsibility through chores, celebrating individual stepping stones, and modeling emotional regulation. By embracing this broader definition of success, parents can equip their children with the necessary skills and mindset to thrive in today’s diverse and complex world.
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What do you see when you picture your children as successful adults? according to a Pew Research study, most parents hope that their children will grow up financially independent and satisfied with their careers. These are solid goals, but they’re just a small part of what it means to be successful.
In fact, a universal metric of success isn’t realistic in a society of individuals with diverse strengths and weaknesses, says Lindsey Giller, clinical psychologist at Child Mind Institute. Especially when that metric is personal value, Number of followers or friendsor the type of degrees you hold.
“When I think about the term Success For my own young children, I want them to be well adjusted – people who can handle the challenges and the ups and downs of life,” says Giller. “I want them to be people who can ask for help when they need it, represent themselves when it’s appropriate and needed, and feel comfortable stepping out of their comfort zone and have the confidence to do all of that.” apply future learning, innovation, etc. to growth.”
Aja Chavez, therapist and executive director for youth services at mission preparation, an inpatient mental health program for adolescents in California, agrees that success is not a measure of external achievement or accomplishment, but rather an inner strength (much harder to quantify). To encourage that success, she believes parents should help build a solid sense of self.
“You’re taking someone to a place where they can fully experience what’s called agency, the ability to make wise choices in their world,” says Chavez. “Success for young people is that they can really start to differentiate and detach themselves from the family system a little bit so that they can become who they are as individuals.”
Here are five ways you can help them:
1. Praise actions, not character
When your kids are doing something well, it’s natural to give good feedback, but be specific, says Chavez. Instead of praising the person’s personality and identity (“You’re such a good kid!”), praise the behavior you observed and how it affected you.
“Say something like, ‘You must be so proud of yourself!’ instead of saying, ‘I’m so proud of you!’” says Chavez. “Because you don’t want them to always be looking for external motivation, you want them to do things because it feels really good.”
2. Help sharpen their gut feelings
If your child comes to you with a problem—like an argument with a friend—stop and give them a chance to use their own intuition instead of suggesting solutions. By refocusing their senses on their inner voice, you help them to rely on what their body and brain are telling them to do.
You can use question prompts like: How can I be helpful in this situation? Do you need me to just listen, or do you want my advice? Which measure could help? Do you need me for this promotion or would you like to try and work through it on your own?
“I would encourage parents to explore what role they think they play in their teen’s world,” says Chavez. “Do you see it as a problem solver and problem solver? Or is your job really to help them see what’s going on in their world and give them the language, skills and resources to then navigate it on their own?”
3. Let them join in
Assigning chores to your children is not only helpful for you, but also for the well-being of your children. Indeed, a 75-year longitudinal study at Harvard found that children who do household chores are more successful than adults. This measure of success included good grades in self-competence, prosocial behavior, and self-efficacy.
“The way we build our self-esteem is by doing honorable deeds,” says Chavez. “Tasks create a sense of community and connection and begin to build personal responsibility.”
Show them how to complete a task, practice them together, and then set a realistic schedule for when they will complete the task on their own. As children get older, this can extend to tasks like planning haircuts.
“It’s a titration process,” says Chavez. “If we suddenly announce that they are responsible for something they haven’t done before, they may avoid it altogether because they don’t have the resources, skills or knowledge they need.”
4. Measure them against yourself
It’s natural to take stock of other children’s milestones and achievements when assessing your own children’s progress. However, no two children have the same success. So the more you can focus on your child’s individual stepping stones, the better.
“For a child with anxiety, just getting up in front of the class to give a talk can be a moment of achievement,” says Giller. “This allows parents to develop language at home that focuses on where their child is and treat the rest as white noise.”
5. Work on your own success
It’s a big challenge, but it’s critical: in order to raise well-adjusted children, parents must also work to adjust themselves. You are the best example of your child’s behavior and that means you have to work alone emotional regulation.
When you’re in a high-emotional situation, name what you’re feeling in your body and what you’re going to do about it, says Chavez. Many teens are still learning to stop and assess how they are feeling rather than just responding immediately to stimuli, so modeling helps.
“For example, if you get a text message from a friend canceling their plans and your kids notice your reaction, you can say, ‘I’m really disappointed right now.’ I’m kinda sad. I was really looking forward to spending time with this person and I’m just blown away that I won’t,” says Chavez.
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