Gentle parenting is permissive parenting. I think parents should be gentle…..as in, not harsh. However, parents are the authority and need to set boundaries. The gentle parenting I have seen is parenting not enforcing consequences, not saying no….the kids were spoiled brats. Boundaries are essential.
I've seen a few other people comment this but I would love a recommended reading list Bekah!! You bring up such great ones all the time but I don't always write them down.
Real talk you just gave me permission go stop using the stupid instagram parenting voice. I don't talk soft spoken and every time I do it I feel so ingenuine.
It’s crazy that you talk about the room being a place to chill for second. I have a 16m old and he’s in this phase where he can’t quite communicate what he wants and it sends him into a tantrum. Or he’ll get a little overstimulated. When this happens I say “we’re going to go in your room and take a little break”. We sit him down with his favorite books and just let him spend a few minutes by himself. It’s never a punishment, we approach it calmly and don’t act angry with him. This has been SO helpful. Just five minutes alone in his crib with his books can turn his mood around.
I really like your approach to just be more yourself. I am currently talking with my partner about to start TTC & we kind of have the same approach of parenting where we just want to be ourselves and raise our kids. We don’t want to be mom and dad all the time (when it comes to interactions that is) and we want our kids to know who we are and that we are separate people.
I’m 25 and too many choices is definitely overwhelming for me. I feel like your string cheese Example is exactly how I’m gonna parent I’m going to give them the string cheese and then if they’re not happy about it, I’ll just tell them I can see you’re upset but we all feel like this sometimes I hope you can enjoy your string cheese. Gentle parenting doesn’t mean helicopter parenting & going out of your way for too many ridiculous requests sometimes you just gotta let things go and your kids will be upset & forget about it in 5 mins and move on!
Child I send my kids to their rooms in a heart beat. Their room is a safe zone for them. If they want to jump on the couch nope jump on your beds. If they are hitting nope go to your room lol the room works. Ain’t nothing wrong with time out. People act like we are going to ruin the next generation if they aren’t allowed to make every choice for themselves. Well guess what toddlers don’t know what to do they’ve been here for two-four years they don’t know what’s good for them lol
Toddler choices: do you want to put your left shoe or your right shoe on first…do you want me to open your string cheese, or do you want to help…do you want to hold my hand, or do you want me to hold yours?
Treat your children the way you would want to be treated. Adults make mistakes. Adults have emotions which are overwhelming at times. Adults get tired and in bad moods. Don't hold your children to a higher standard than you have for yourself. Everyone needs gentleness, kindness, understanding and just to be listened to. Give that same respect to your children. I am 70 yrs old and raised two great boys. As they got older, we sat down and discussed what was bothering them. When they were little, I always tried to negotiate with them to make them feel that they were part of the solution.
I agree that sometimes a child does need a quiet moment with themselves. A “time out” for me has always been a brief moment to cool down and more importantly, experience your feelings in a safe space, and then once that moment has passed I go in and have a gentle , understanding conversation. Talk with them about how they were feeling, why they were feeling that way, and healthy ways to feel your emotions and handle them in the moment. Then we go back to life! A time out, for me personally, is not a punishment it is a moment to relax, reflect, and learn without judgement. Parents and caretakers have a responsibility to help their children understand their emotions and how to handle them in healthy ways. Don’t punish your children for not having the emotional intelligence of a fully grown human! Help them learn!
Not even adults want endless choices. We think we do but take a simple experiment of a grocery store sample table… people tend to be much more satisfied (and likely to buy) when a table has 5 or less choices rather than a table that tries to push like 10 things on you. Simple choices are best … this or that? Only if my kid seems to want to make a choice but unhappy with what is provided do I reach further. Spoon or fork? Spoon? throws spoon on ground ok different spoon? Ok thats better now eat your rice.
Kids do well with routine. They feel safe because they KNOW what to expect and can depend on it. If a child doesnt have to choose what they want to eat,how they want it cooked and in what bowl they want it in….their little mind can focus on choices that are more age appropriate and easier to rationalize. Offering all these choices and tap dancing to accommodate only trains a child to know that the parent will always give in their choices,or be held emotionally hostage. They come to realize you will do anything to keep them from a tantrum…. if you think that tantrum looks bad on a 4 or 5 year old,,wait til he or she is an adult,and the people around them DONT accommodate. Its a disservice to the child to send them into the world with that false sense of entitlement ,and hobbling them from having healthy relationships because they emotionally extort. Being a tender and loving parent doesnt NOT mean giving in to a childs every whim,it means curating their world so they can organically learn to make good choices…and that there are consequences for bad ones. It means showing them how to calmly handle difficult situations, or emotions…how to talk instead of yell,and always feel like the parent values the child opinion. The problem is,folks confuse strict with abusive. There is nothing wrong with being strict,there IS a problem with abuse. You can maintain order without fear. Its called RESPECT. If YOU dont teach it to them,who will?
Gentle parenting is just authoritative parenting under a new name. When done right it can be very successful but what most people think of when they hear "gentle parenting" is actually permissive parenting.
Instantly subscribed! I totally agree. We’ve got to a point where we are trying to reason with children when they are too young to understand! They are NOT adults. The parent is the one who should be in control, not the child.
You're right…and I know people don't like to hear it but Ima say it…between the constant social media, gaming, and "gentle" parenting we are letting the world raise our children instead of raising them ourselves and look what's happening? I reading article a few years ago in National Geographic on how humans are are scientifically devolving as a species because of all this nonsense. We have shorter attention spans, we're more reactionary, quicker to anger, we have more "disorders" and textbook narcissism and sociopathy.It's terrifying. I pray for everyone's children, for tomorrow….I commend you for not doing what's "trendy" when it comes to your precious children!
Yes! Im so glad you mentioned the gentle parenting voice! I thought I was the only one who felt kind of weird about it! Some moms I know in my area do it and I feel weird because I know them and they sound almost fake. I also just try to use my regular tone and be myself with my children. I love your approach to parenting Bekah!
My degree is in child development and special education and let me say, when I had my own kid that completely changed my view of how to parent! I have a very stubborn "boy-boy". He doesn't want to talk about feelings most of the time (he can label what he is feeling but he doesn't like drawn out talks about it) and he likes his space. I get so annoyed when people say I'm exiling him to his room when I learned around 3 years old, he preferred it! He is a lot like me that when I'm upset, I HATE being around people. I need time to calm down and be away before I can come back to a situation.
Each kid is different so they all need to be treated differently. But kids definitely need structure and parents. Not someone kowtowing to their every will. It helps for them to learn that early so they can handle school structure (and even work structure in the future).
There has to be a balance. I give my kids choices, but I still win in the end. For example, you pick up your toys now and then you can go swing or not go swing and not do anything until they get picked up. The choice is yours. You either eat or don't and go hungry, the choice is yours.
For us I realized that this importance of and emphasis on feelings was ruining us—our feelings lie to us and our feelings can’t be trusted…so why am I forcing my children to obsess over them? Not anymore!
I loveeeee when you mentioned the gentle parenting scripts!!!!!!!! It is SO inauthentic to my personal voice!!!!! Soooo true.
Gentle parenting is permissive parenting. I think parents should be gentle…..as in, not harsh. However, parents are the authority and need to set boundaries. The gentle parenting I have seen is parenting not enforcing consequences, not saying no….the kids were spoiled brats. Boundaries are essential.
I think you have permissive parenting and gentle parenting confused.
I've seen a few other people comment this but I would love a recommended reading list Bekah!! You bring up such great ones all the time but I don't always write them down.
"I know how do take care or children well."
"Do you want red bull.."
me: 😲
"Or blue bowl"
Me: oh😅
Real talk you just gave me permission go stop using the stupid instagram parenting voice. I don't talk soft spoken and every time I do it I feel so ingenuine.
So true!!!
It’s crazy that you talk about the room being a place to chill for second. I have a 16m old and he’s in this phase where he can’t quite communicate what he wants and it sends him into a tantrum. Or he’ll get a little overstimulated. When this happens I say “we’re going to go in your room and take a little break”. We sit him down with his favorite books and just let him spend a few minutes by himself. It’s never a punishment, we approach it calmly and don’t act angry with him. This has been SO helpful. Just five minutes alone in his crib with his books can turn his mood around.
I really like your approach to just be more yourself. I am currently talking with my partner about to start TTC & we kind of have the same approach of parenting where we just want to be ourselves and raise our kids. We don’t want to be mom and dad all the time (when it comes to interactions that is) and we want our kids to know who we are and that we are separate people.
I’m 25 and too many choices is definitely overwhelming for me. I feel like your string cheese Example is exactly how I’m gonna parent I’m going to give them the string cheese and then if they’re not happy about it, I’ll just tell them I can see you’re upset but we all feel like this sometimes I hope you can enjoy your string cheese. Gentle parenting doesn’t mean helicopter parenting & going out of your way for too many ridiculous requests sometimes you just gotta let things go and your kids will be upset & forget about it in 5 mins and move on!
You are very wise
YES. Children need security
And also, yes, again. Kids don’t want to be patronized with this “baby tone” that they know is fake
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You showed parenting has flexibility, growth and must fit the individual child! That’s smart parenting!
Child I send my kids to their rooms in a heart beat. Their room is a safe zone for them. If they want to jump on the couch nope jump on your beds. If they are hitting nope go to your room lol the room works. Ain’t nothing wrong with time out. People act like we are going to ruin the next generation if they aren’t allowed to make every choice for themselves. Well guess what toddlers don’t know what to do they’ve been here for two-four years they don’t know what’s good for them lol
Aww i love how supportive and involved your husband is. You both shared some great thoughts.
Totally agree with you!
Interesting. I never understood gentlen parenting as this permissive.
Toddler choices: do you want to put your left shoe or your right shoe on first…do you want me to open your string cheese, or do you want to help…do you want to hold my hand, or do you want me to hold yours?
Treat your children the way you would want to be treated. Adults make mistakes. Adults have emotions which are overwhelming at times. Adults get tired and in bad moods. Don't hold your children to a higher standard than you have for yourself. Everyone needs gentleness, kindness, understanding and just to be listened to. Give that same respect to your children. I am 70 yrs old and raised two great boys. As they got older, we sat down and discussed what was bothering them. When they were little, I always tried to negotiate with them to make them feel that they were part of the solution.
This was amazing and I thank you for sharing! My daughter is almost 2 and I’ve been struggling to find a good balance
5 year old mom here! This approach works the best
I agree that sometimes a child does need a quiet moment with themselves. A “time out” for me has always been a brief moment to cool down and more importantly, experience your feelings in a safe space, and then once that moment has passed I go in and have a gentle , understanding conversation. Talk with them about how they were feeling, why they were feeling that way, and healthy ways to feel your emotions and handle them in the moment. Then we go back to life! A time out, for me personally, is not a punishment it is a moment to relax, reflect, and learn without judgement. Parents and caretakers have a responsibility to help their children understand their emotions and how to handle them in healthy ways. Don’t punish your children for not having the emotional intelligence of a fully grown human! Help them learn!
Not even adults want endless choices. We think we do but take a simple experiment of a grocery store sample table… people tend to be much more satisfied (and likely to buy) when a table has 5 or less choices rather than a table that tries to push like 10 things on you.
Simple choices are best … this or that? Only if my kid seems to want to make a choice but unhappy with what is provided do I reach further.
Spoon or fork? Spoon? throws spoon on ground ok different spoon? Ok thats better now eat your rice.
OHHHHH MY WORD. Guuuurlllllllll I cannot believe you’re discussing that cheese video. This is EPIC
Kids do well with routine. They feel safe because they KNOW what to expect and can depend on it.
If a child doesnt have to choose what they want to eat,how they want it cooked and in what bowl they want it in….their little mind can focus on choices that are more age appropriate and easier to rationalize.
Offering all these choices and tap dancing to accommodate only trains a child to know that the parent will always give in their choices,or be held emotionally hostage. They come to realize you will do anything to keep them from a tantrum….
if you think that tantrum looks bad on a 4 or 5 year old,,wait til he or she is an adult,and the people around them DONT accommodate. Its a disservice to the child to send them into the world with that false sense of entitlement ,and hobbling them from having healthy relationships because they emotionally extort.
Being a tender and loving parent doesnt NOT mean giving in to a childs every whim,it means curating their world so they can organically learn to make good choices…and that there are consequences for bad ones. It means showing them how to calmly handle difficult situations, or emotions…how to talk instead of yell,and always feel like the parent values the child opinion.
The problem is,folks confuse strict with abusive. There is nothing wrong with being strict,there IS a problem with abuse. You can maintain order without fear. Its called RESPECT. If YOU dont teach it to them,who will?
Makes sense to me
Gentle parenting is just authoritative parenting under a new name. When done right it can be very successful but what most people think of when they hear "gentle parenting" is actually permissive parenting.
You just shut your husband down.
Instantly subscribed! I totally agree. We’ve got to a point where we are trying to reason with children when they are too young to understand! They are NOT adults. The parent is the one who should be in control, not the child.
You're right…and I know people don't like to hear it but Ima say it…between the constant social media, gaming, and "gentle" parenting we are letting the world raise our children instead of raising them ourselves and look what's happening? I reading article a few years ago in National Geographic on how humans are are scientifically devolving as a species because of all this nonsense. We have shorter attention spans, we're more reactionary, quicker to anger, we have more "disorders" and textbook narcissism and sociopathy.It's terrifying. I pray for everyone's children, for tomorrow….I commend you for not doing what's "trendy" when it comes to your precious children!
Yes! Im so glad you mentioned the gentle parenting voice! I thought I was the only one who felt kind of weird about it! Some moms I know in my area do it and I feel weird because I know them and they sound almost fake. I also just try to use my regular tone and be myself with my children. I love your approach to parenting Bekah!
Idk if you’ve heard of “free-range” parenting, but I think the line has been blurred between that & gentle parenting
My degree is in child development and special education and let me say, when I had my own kid that completely changed my view of how to parent! I have a very stubborn "boy-boy". He doesn't want to talk about feelings most of the time (he can label what he is feeling but he doesn't like drawn out talks about it) and he likes his space. I get so annoyed when people say I'm exiling him to his room when I learned around 3 years old, he preferred it! He is a lot like me that when I'm upset, I HATE being around people. I need time to calm down and be away before I can come back to a situation.
Each kid is different so they all need to be treated differently. But kids definitely need structure and parents. Not someone kowtowing to their every will. It helps for them to learn that early so they can handle school structure (and even work structure in the future).
There has to be a balance. I give my kids choices, but I still win in the end. For example, you pick up your toys now and then you can go swing or not go swing and not do anything until they get picked up. The choice is yours. You either eat or don't and go hungry, the choice is yours.
For us I realized that this importance of and emphasis on feelings was ruining us—our feelings lie to us and our feelings can’t be trusted…so why am I forcing my children to obsess over them? Not anymore!
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