Work Etiquette: How to Make Small Talk at a Diplomatic Function

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1. Talk about yourself, endlessly

A good rule of thumb for business receptions and dinners is that most attendees want to talk about themselves, so the best way to make a good impression is to stick to the following three sentences: “Oh yeah?” , “How interesting! or, “I never thought of that as that before!” I once sat next to a CEO who did exactly that for three courses. After dinner was over, his conversation partner (for a given value of the word “partner”) told me, without any neither irony nor shyness, that she had just spoken with one of the smartest businessmen she had ever met.

Diplomats are one of three exceptions to this rule. Remember that a big part of their job is to find out about the country they are in. They really want to hear the details of how your business operates and the difficulties of managing your staff. Just remember that the other two types of people you’ll meet at a work event who will allow you to talk at length about what you do are journalists and your corporate rivals, and limit your candor accordingly.

2. Don’t ask how they got to the diplomatic service

Diplomats are of three types: career officials with extensive experience in their chosen profession, spies, and political appointees. As such, avoid asking too many questions about your previous careers. If he’s a career diplomat, you don’t want to hear a lengthy recap about how your interlocutor got his start in some boring little place like Bhutan or Canada. If you’re a spy, you don’t want to have to clumsily concoct a cover or mutter something about security work. And if you’re dealing with a political appointee, there’s nothing more embarrassing than realizing that the ambassador you’re having idle talk with came third in the Iowa caucuses. No way do what a CEO did. at a recent dinner I was at and asked me, “Are you a real Diplomat, or did you just give Joe Biden a lot of money?”: not done. Instead, ask, “How are you enjoying your post?” and use his response to return to yourself. (See 1.)

3. Don’t talk about politics at home

The curse of career diplomats is that they are interesting people, with interesting jobs, who have to give boring answers to most questions. A British career diplomat or even a spy won’t appreciate you making them repeat your practiced line about why the Liz Truss government was a challenging time with some worthwhile insights. Asking a US politician how he thinks the next election will turn out is the equivalent of asking someone else if he thinks he’s in danger of being fired: it’s rude and annoying. No one wants to be invited to contemplate their job security with a couch.

4. Never trust anything they say about their host country

No self-respecting ambassador is going to tell you that you can’t have a decent coffee anywhere in the capital, or that the worst thing about this post is how bad the local theater is. Asking an ambassador for cultural recommendations is a bit like asking a parent to assess their child’s strengths and expecting an honest response. The only difference is that an ambassador knows that he is lying to you. Ask them about recommendations on where to go when you return home.

Gave: I liked the diplomat!

do not tell: Hey, who’s the muscular guy in the sunglasses who follows you everywhere?