In this powerful conversation, Dr. Shefali Tsabary joins Lewis Howes on The School of Greatness to explore what children truly need from their parents in today’s world.
Dr. Shefali discusses conscious parenting, parental emotional regulation, attachment, raising emotionally healthy children, digital influence, boys and girls, and the difference between raising a human being and a “human doing.” She also challenges parents to examine whether they are raising their children according to their own unresolved dreams, expectations, and fears.
This conversation offers parents an opportunity to rethink what it means to guide a child—not by controlling who they become, but by creating the connection, awareness, and emotional safety that allows them to become themselves.
Speaker: Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Host: Lewis Howes
Podcast: The School of Greatness
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Disclaimer: This video is shared for educational and discussion purposes. All rights belong to the original creators.
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That's the goal. Children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. Arrows are supposed to go to places where the warrior can't reach and since the warrior can see the target, we, as parents, we get to send the arrows to go hit the target. Children need to get this. I hope this is provocative enough
so thats why my wife said our first born was hers ok
Finally someone explained what i cant. Im a woman, 40years old from the North of Germany. I was an Aupair at 17 in Canada.
I have no children but i have a love for them which is beyond posessing them. Very often you hear i WANT children,instead of i want to be a mother/dad… like a thing, a trophy.
I know that i love and give children, a different love from theyre parents and never know what it really feels or needs like to be a mother and for a lot of people thats sad to me
BUT
I know that my selfless love towards children and being able, loving someone outside of my own body is some hell of a pure love 🤍
If you want to "have" children, please try to take responsibility for stranger children for an amount of time first and you will find out if you can love someone outside your own body with your whole heart😘😇🤗
Nothing provocative about this answer. We know this- parents project themselves.
Duh, just likekids sports, its child abus😢
True!
Coz they are weak minded and don't understand the meaning of life 👍🏼
It is so true and so so so wrong
This is unfortunate, but true in many cultures. We should not be having kids to have them pursue our interest and dreams but to support them in their dreams and interest. The other sides to this reason are society and economic expectations.
This is sick.
Other than not wanting your kids to ruin their lives and be in unsatisfactory situations (poor garbage man) that cannot self sustain for themselves or their family.
Who cares what they do.
Families who want their kids to be. Dr are bad parents.
My kids are not and have never been a trophy for success. I want them to be a trophy of happiness, love for life and a good person. But a trophy for success….? No. Not what life is about for me.
No I don't agree… to some extent. It's a bit backward. For me it's not the reason I had children nor did I expect them to heal me…That's my job. But in relation to what your saying I did feel at times on 5heir achievements, not compared to a trophy but you want them to do well when they did do well it felt amazing. Whether that is an attachment onto ones' self I'm not quite sure. Part yes if I'm honest. You just want them to do and be better than you did… A desire too. But not in competition or competitiveness with. No. Great joy comes from watching them shine fly and ignite in their own shining light. Now that's beautiful to witness of your daughter(s)/son(s)…. A parent thrives to be the best then what they had. The magic of generational growth.
or someone they can abuse
This is true if you are a narcissist. Those people that have a void inside of them that nothing will satisfy? After they're done with all the drugs and hooking up, this is how they treat their children. She is a narcissist, so she this is all she knows. She thinks that everybody is just like her that's not true. Many of us just want our kids to be healthy and happy and actively try to help our kids find their own path instead of pigeonholing them into the one that we failed to get into.
To have someone to take care of them when to old to take care of themselves
That's so not true lol 😂 the reason why i wanted to be a mom was to be a mom. Point blank. Nurture, love, take care of, see them grow, guide, help, cuddle etc. Not for them to love me or take care of me or achieve things for me. That's stupid
👏 say it louder!!
You could get a whole book out of this just from my life.
Why does this woman look like an AI generated person? 😮
The parents are striving for social currency that they do not have. The parents feel insecure about their position in society and need their children to anchor them with what they believe these certain professions convey. The truth is the real socially secure, have children that pursue their dreams, live as artist, musicians, and athletes. That’s the real flex. These children of mediocre achievers have to solidify their mediocrity by becoming doctors, lawyers and engineers. But these parents don’t realize they’re just producing worker bees. They haven’t arrived to the point where they can encourage excellence.
Because some women suck and view their kids as an extension of themselves aka. A narcissist
I’m sorry but parenting requires guidance. There’s a thin line between suggesting that’s manipulation or just being a good parent. You know much more about the world then a child and it’s your job to an extent to lead a child to success. There comes an age where peers and the world take over. Till then it’s a balancing act. I don’t think any parent should feel shame for wanting to impart their world view onto their child. It’s a dangerous and confusing world and the child is your progeny and under your care. What if my child just wants to watch tv and be unemployed? Do I say oh ok that’s your choice? What is choice anyway? There are so many forces that influence everyone not just children, but parents are the people with the greatest vested interest in the child’s wellbeing and I think we should stop trying to create a counter culture in which we eradicate the role of the parents.
Of course. It's your better self.
Very true – absolutely true! A trophy, or a circus animal(that’s what I used to call myself). I “had” to become a doctor, was forbidden to follow the career path I wanted since I was five; so I became a nurse instead. I was never going to give her the opportunity to perpetuate control. At 42, I’m still a disappointment for her. It will never heal but is now easier to carry.
No, she is referring to a small portion of parents. There are different kinds of parents. The vast majority of parents love their children deeply and grieve in their hearts that they most likely will not be able to care for and protect their children forever. Even tomorrow is not guaranteed. They need to impart the mature viewpoint on their children right from the beginning. For most of time, opportunities for children were very limited and sometimes dangerous. Parents had to see what the best path for each child and provide and make use of any available resources to guarantee a future for all offspring. This mindset has worked well for families for millenia. Some parents see their children as accessories as she explains but they are a sad minority.
Someone said their pension plan😮
Parent here! I don't agree
Thats such a lie.
It's because the parents didn't manage their money right and now they need the kid to become a doctor to bail them out and be their retirement plan.
The greatest accomplishment in life is to leave your children behind well raised, respectful, full of mercy and humanity
Because parents want their children to be able to earn their own money.
Difference of opinion is always respected .Thankyou for sharing your perspective ❤
Cause every parents have kids for themselves and none for kids themselves!
Our daughter is naturally all of it, she's not a puppet and was not from the first moment she was born, despite our desire, the reason we wanted to have a child, is to love, care and take care of a human being that needs a good environment to develop.
Please don't be sorry, out there are millions of us 💎
Children are gifts from our creator entrusted we are to raise up these siblings of ours, children of God, all of us. Your children are your siblings treat them accordingly, with love, respect and knowledge that they are their own person and not a object to control, xxoo
Those certain professions pay very well and we don’t want our kids worrying about money like us, their parents.
Truth
Great answer ❤
I tell my daughters their profession should be spouse and homemaker.
Its to keep them safe so they will not know the poverty or fear we have had to endure.
I am a parent and I strongly disagree with this generalization
Having children these days is equivalent to committing Sins.
Not always true. Several have gone through this kind of engineering of their life and so now they take care that their children are able to just be themselves and live a life of their own choices and actions . There can be a lot of joy in just watching your children ‚s lives unfold supporting them when needed and cheering them on as they choose their paths.. I have a feeling very many parents have children just for the joy of it.
oh gosh tell me something new!
Please some people want their kids to be good in life bc bills are expensive 😒
I believe this is a unique problem for the masses of this century
That’s a narcissic action ! For them childs is a part of them. ❤❤
That’s why I don’t have children.