By loading kids with high expectations and micromanaging their lives at every turn, parents aren’t actually helping. At least, that’s how Julie Lythcott-Haims sees it. With passion and wry humor, the former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford makes the case for parents to stop defining their children’s success via grades and test scores. Instead, she says, they should focus on providing the oldest idea of all: unconditional love.
Whether you’re just launching your adult life or finally giving yourself permission to question assumptions about adulthood, learn practical strategies to build a future that fits you from Julie Lythcott-Haims. Enroll in her TED Course “How to become be your best adult self” today: https://tedtalks.social/3OmpymZ
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Whether you’re just launching your adult life or finally giving yourself permission to question assumptions about adulthood, learn practical strategies to build a future that fits you from Julie Lythcott-Haims. Enroll in her TED Course “How to become be your best adult self” today:
https://tedtalks.social/3OmpymZ
Very much depends on your definition of successful.
A wonderful talk, love it sooooo much
Lady you nailed it.
Excatly what i went trough and now i am experiencing problems as you described.
💯: your child will thrive when you give them unconditional love and self autonomy ❤
I do have my own drive and have always wanted to push myself. But I wonder how much if it has come from having a parent that expects you to outperform everyone and everything. I go to a "name-brand" school (Vanderbilt). The acceptance rate is 7%. Sometimes I think that's the only thing I like about this school, the way it makes me look. In fact, I'm watching this video because Julie is speaking here tonight. Prestige and all that. But: I'm in my final semester, I am 22. I have a 3.9 GPA. The other day my father called right after I woke up from a nap. Hearing the sleep in my voice he told me, "It doesn't sound like you're working hard enough." I have a 3.9 GPA. I was only asleep because my stress-induced insomnia had gotten so out of control that I hadn't slept more than four hours a night for the past three weeks. I was regularly up till 5 am working on assignments. I don't know when it will finally be enough to satisfy what he wants from me. Where I am now, like is repeated many times in this TED talk, is what parents want. But I don't think once your child gets here that you will be satisfied. You will be so used to never letting them breathe, or never unconditionally offering support, or treating them like they have no agency, that you will always assume they would be lazy, stupid failures on their own. And you will treat them like that.
👍
im fortunate that my (Filipino) parents never bother about our grades and no pressure at all. I'm fortunate to raise my child in Finland where there is no competition culture or grading culture in schools. As a former primary school teacher in my country, I'm disgusted with the comparison and categorization according to children's grades. I never want my child to be raised in ever competing and labelling of intelligence based on scores and not their effort and interest to learn.
It's kind of funny that all the assumptions she's making about how parents treat their kids are focused on those weird ivy-league-or-bust type parents, but I guess those parents are much more likely to constitute the audience at a TED talk. I don't think most parents are like this.
I grew up in a family with "no housework only homework" parenting. I still messed up a lot in my adolescence, not got into a prestigious college. Then I got into Ivy league for graduate study (not college, I know, ivy league is only about the colleges). Now I am in my 30s, with two kids, having them with my first love in high school (my parents complained him for messing up my high school grades and college entrance exam), holding a PhD, having a decent job in top notch school. But I always feel I never know what I really want to do in my life. I could do my work with confidence but I have no passion (have to pretend to be passionate when being interviewed though). I think I am twisted. But still I love my parents so much and I understand they have done what they thought to be the best in parenting me, their only child and perhaps only hope. Their way of parenting could be questioned, but their love is genuine, and I think is unconditional. I could not see my life in a different version if I received different parenting or I was less rebellious in my 15-25s. I might have a hole in my life, but I still see sufficient amount of sunshine coming through it.
omg she made me so anxious with her tension i couldnt watch it
Some people have chosen to forgo college. I for one am sick of the idea that people are not good enough unless they go to college. People literally worship knowledge and think that a piece of paper in a frame on the wall defines you as a person. It's all one great illusion.
We all want the best for our children but don’t all have the tools we need to be better parents. I needed more talks like this not a Lamaze class before my children were born. Thank you ❤
Amazing!!! This is so true
Me as a teen watching this:
Lady thank you very much ❤
Not a dad yet. Only 24 but I’m here already 😂
Make kids to chores. FYI
I would say that raising a child is like running your own company! 😂😂😂
If you are not financially stable then how can you afford to run the child business? Sometimes if you accidentally have a child without marriage it’s like having a company without business permit! 😂😂😂
To have a child it means you are financially stable it’s like running a business means you are financially secure! There are parents that have so many children like a company with so many branches right? If you don’t know how to take care of your child it’s like you’re not taking care of your company it will not bear a fruit 😂😂😂
Exactly ❤
Amazing 😍🤩
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